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  1. #1
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Talking Its Army Humour Sir!

    The story of Uncle Bob

    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents
    to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the
    kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

    Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
    One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat
    of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went
    flying and broke and made a mess"

    "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

    "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

    "Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

    "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.
    We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live
    chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until
    they're hatched."

    "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

    "Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob
    was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash
    land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a
    machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it
    wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy
    troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out
    of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade
    broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

    "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did
    your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

    "Don't f*ck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."
    -----------
    A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunking down in the field
    for the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, "When you see all
    the stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?"

    The LT replies, "Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the
    universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can't help but
    wonder if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. Why?
    What do you think of, Sergeant?"

    "I think somebody stole the damn tent."
    -----------
    As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill
    Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the
    squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill
    Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised
    a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em,
    huh, sir?"
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.


  2. #2
    Forum Member firenresq77's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Northwest Ohio
    Posts
    5,213

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MalahatTwo7
    The story of Uncle Bob

    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents
    to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the
    kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

    Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
    One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat
    of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went
    flying and broke and made a mess"

    "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

    "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

    "Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

    "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.
    We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live
    chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until
    they're hatched."

    "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

    "Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob
    was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash
    land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a
    machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it
    wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy
    troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out
    of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade
    broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

    "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did
    your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

    "Don't f*ck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."
    -----------
    A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunking down in the field
    for the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, "When you see all
    the stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?"

    The LT replies, "Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the
    universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can't help but
    wonder if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. Why?
    What do you think of, Sergeant?"

    "I think somebody stole the damn tent."
    -----------
    As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill
    Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the
    squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill
    Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised
    a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em,
    huh, sir?"
    Thanks for the laughs!!!
    The comments made by me are my opinions only. They DO NOT reflect the opinions of my employer(s). If you have an issue with something I may say, take it up with me, either by posting in the forums, emailing me through my profile, or PMing me through my profile.
    We are all adults so there is no need to act like a child........
    IACOJ

  3. #3
    Forum Member DaSharkie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Posts
    4,713

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MalahatTwo7
    A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunking down in the field
    for the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, "When you see all
    the stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?"

    The LT replies, "Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the
    universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can't help but
    wonder if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. Why?
    What do you think of, Sergeant?"

    "I think somebody stole the damn tent."
    Reminds me of my former Company Commander. Lacked the common sense God gave a gnat.
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

    "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

    www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

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