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  1. #1
    Forum Member BFDNJFF's Avatar
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    Default A little political joke

    Figured some of yah would get a chuckle on this one i read in another forum.


    Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?


    Here is a little test that will help you decide.

    Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats,
    Republicans, and Southern Republicans?

    The answer can be found by posing the following question:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
    children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes
    around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities,
    praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

    You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot? What
    do you do? You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your
    family

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Democrat's Answers:

    1. Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

    2. Does the man look poor? Or oppressed?

    3. Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
    attack?

    4. Could we run away?

    5. What does my wife think?

    6 What about the kids?

    7. Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife
    out of his hand?

    8. What does the law say about this situation?

    9. Does the Glock have appropriate safety features built into it?

    10. Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
    does this send to society and to my children?

    11. Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

    12. Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just
    to wound me?

    13. If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get
    away while he was stabbing me?

    14. Should I call 9-1-1?

    15. Why is this street so deserted?

    16. We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this
    happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

    17. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some
    friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Republican's Answer:


    BANG!


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Southern Republican's Answer:


    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    BANG! click.

    Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver
    Tips or Hollow Points?"
    ******=================
    ******================
    ******=================
    ******================
    =======================
    =======================
    =======================

    ------GOD BLESS AMERICA ! ------


  2. #2
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Default

    Republican's Answer:


    BANG!
    Thats ARMY training, Sir. Only needs ONE shot.
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  3. #3
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    Talking bang

    Couldn't resist mate. Shoot them all and let the Democrats and FEMA sort them out or put them at the gates of George's ranch. I'm so bad and I hate politicians of either side.Feel free to jump on this.

  4. #4
    MembersZone Subscriber pvfire424's Avatar
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    Default

    wait a second ...

    My answer would be : BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    BANG! click.


    But may I also add : THUD THUD THUD , WHACK ( this is the sound of the empty gun being used to pistol whip the assailant.) Thud , whack , squish , thud.

    Ok , I'm done now




    ( sorry I have a lot of rage, but I'm better now ! )

  5. #5
    Forum Member nmfire's Avatar
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    Default

    Vrooom... Clang

    That is the Walker, Texas Ranger 'open door an hit bad guy with moving vehicle' method.
    Even the burger-flippers at McDonald's probably have some McWackers.

  6. #6
    Forum Member DaSharkie's Avatar
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    Default

    I am with Malahat and the Republican answer. One shot, one kill.

    I can see the ACLU and Political Correctness freaks getting ****ed off now too for us being inconsiderate and participating in "racial profiling."
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

    "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

    www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

  7. #7
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DaSharkie
    I am with Malahat and the Republican answer. One shot, one kill.

    I can see the ACLU and Political Correctness freaks getting ****ed off now too for us being inconsiderate and participating in "racial profiling."
    Possibly... but in my case there is nothing "political" at all... I have a strong dislike for ALL of them. I just believe in being both accurate and conservative with my ammunition - you never know when you might need that extra round you "blew off" just cuz ....

    Its that gut wrenching all encompassing "CCCAAAALLLLICCCKKK" as the firing pin strikes against an empty chamber that really says "Man, Now I really am having a bad day.
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  8. #8
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    Default

    BANG! Case closed. Next.
    There goes the neighborhood.

  9. #9
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    Default

    I always get a kick out the southern Republican.
    This is my opinion and in no way represtents the opinion of my department.

  10. #10
    Forum Member DaSharkie's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Peetmoss
    I always get a kick out the southern Republican.
    I like the daughter. It seems she has been paying attention to her daddy's teachings.
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

    "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

    www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

  11. #11
    Forum Member nmfire's Avatar
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    Default

    In the matter of the people vs Bob Smith, what say you?

    On the sole count of murder in the first degree, we find the defendant, Bob Smith, guilty.

    [Click. Bang]

    Next case.
    Even the burger-flippers at McDonald's probably have some McWackers.

  12. #12
    Forum Member DaSharkie's Avatar
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    That is swift justice there nmfire.

    I believe you will be called by someone affiliated with the ACLU soon. Please, shoot them too.
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

    "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

    www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

  13. #13
    Forum Member spearsm's Avatar
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    Default

    I agree, don't waste ammo. But personally I would have to add......

    CLICK BANG
    step
    step
    step


    Spit
    YGBSM!
    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

    If all you have is a hammer, then your problems start to look like nails.
    ___________________

    IACOJ
    Southern Division.

  14. #14
    Forum Member BFDNJFF's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by spearsm
    I agree, don't waste ammo. But personally I would have to add......

    CLICK BANG
    step
    step
    step


    Spit
    you forgot the ZZZIP pSSSSSSsssssss ZZZZIP
    ******=================
    ******================
    ******=================
    ******================
    =======================
    =======================
    =======================

    ------GOD BLESS AMERICA ! ------

  15. #15
    MembersZone Subscriber mcaldwell's Avatar
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    Default

    My sound would be Braatatatatat!

    Cause my Glock would be a model 18. Happiness is an automatic weapon! (belt fed is better, but hell, it'll do )

    But afterward, I would still blame Bush.
    Never argue with an Idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience!

    IACOJ

  16. #16
    Forum Member BFDNJFF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mcaldwell
    My sound would be Braatatatatat!

    Cause my Glock would be a model 18. Happiness is an automatic weapon! (belt fed is better, but hell, it'll do )

    But afterward, I would still blame Bush.
    I think you need to look in your own back yard before you blame Bush !
    ******=================
    ******================
    ******=================
    ******================
    =======================
    =======================
    =======================

    ------GOD BLESS AMERICA ! ------

  17. #17
    Forum Member nmfire's Avatar
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    Speaking of the ACLU...

    ACLU DEFENDS NAZI'S RIGHT TO BURN DOWN ACLU HEADQUARTERS
    NEW YORK--At a press conference Monday, American Civil Liberties Union officials announced that the organization will go to court to defend a neo-Nazi group's right to burn down ACLU headquarters.

    ACLU president Nadine Strossen told reporters that her organization intends to "vigorously and passionately defend" the Georgia chapter of the American Nazi Party's First Amendment right to freely express its hatred of the ACLU by setting its New York office ablaze on Nov. 25.

    "I am reminded of the words of Voltaire: 'I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,'" Strossen said. "While the ACLU vehemently disagrees with the idea of Nazis torching this building, the principle of freedom of expression must be supported in all cases. If we take away these Nazis' right to burn down our headquarters, we take away everyone's right to burn down our headquarters."

    Buddy Carver, president of the Georgia chapter of the American Nazi Party, praised the ACLU for taking on his case. "I would like to thank Ms. Strossen and all the other ******-loving bleeding-heart liberals at the 'ACL-Jew' for defending my constitutional right to express my loathing of them with hundred-foot-high flames," said Carver, sporting a tan uniform and swastika arm band. "We must finish the job Hitler was unable to."

    ACLU associate director Mel Rosenblatt agreed. "The real danger here is not the American Nazi Party," he said. "The real danger here is what would happen to the rest of us if the Buddy Carvers of this world were not allowed to commit arson against ******-loving, bleeding-heart-liberal Jew attorneys."

    Making the case all the more controversial is the neo-Nazis' demand that the ACLU's entire 315-person staff be in the building at the time of the blaze. Strongly opposing the request are New York City police commissioner William Bratton, fire chief Ed Holm and mayor Rudolph Giuliani, who said that all 315 will die if trapped in the 47-story building during the blaze. ACLU attorneys responded that they will request a federal appeals hearing if the City of New York attempts to stop them and their fellow ACLU employees from perishing in the Nov. 25 blaze.

    "Yes, my loving wife Linda and three wonderful children, Ben, Robby and Stephanie, will be devastated when I am killed next month," ACLU attorney Harvey Gross said. "But I recognize that, in a very real sense, it would be a victory for Mr. Carver and his fellow hatemongers if I did not burn to death, because their terrible message of bigotry and intolerance would be all the more effective if suppressed."

    The Carver case is one of several controversial legal battles with which the ACLU has been involved this judicial year. In State of California v. Tubbs, the organization defended the right of a San Francisco art gallery to display a piece of performance art in which innocent passersby are shot to death by gunmen. In February, the ACLU went to U.S. Appeals Court to defend the Grand Wizard of the Coahoma County, Mississippi, chapter of the Ku Klux Klan's right to beat a black man to death and spray-paint 'White Pride' across his chest.

    "We can have no arbitrary setting of limits when it comes to the Bill of Rights," Strossen said. "The Constitution does not say, 'You have the right to express these opinions, but not those opinions.' Nor does it say, 'You can express these opinions by word, but not by violence.' For a free society to work, hatred, in all its forms, must be encouraged."
    Even the burger-flippers at McDonald's probably have some McWackers.

  18. #18
    Forum Member spearsm's Avatar
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    You know, I have read this before but all I can say is,

    YGBSM!
    YGBSM!
    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

    If all you have is a hammer, then your problems start to look like nails.
    ___________________

    IACOJ
    Southern Division.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by pvfire424
    wait a second ...

    My answer would be : BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    BANG! click.


    But may I also add : THUD THUD THUD , WHACK ( this is the sound of the empty gun being used to pistol whip the assailant.) Thud , whack , squish , thud.

    Ok , I'm done now




    ( sorry I have a lot of rage, but I'm better now ! )


    Call me a nitpicker, but shouldn't there be 13 shots...with one in the chamber!

  20. #20
    IACOJ BOD FlyingKiwi's Avatar
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    Bang.
    Bang.

    Kiwi Training, always double-tap the target.

    First round does the trick, second round just improves the airflow and removes any reflex motion.
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

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