1. #1
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    Default Funny Quotes....

    Post the funniest stuff you have heard at either a job or at the kitchen table:

    I'll go first:

    Lt to a rather PORTLEY member of the barge....errr I mean Truck Comapny during the 6x meal........fat truckie requested NO CARBS for HIS plate....


    Engine Member: Hey ****** you on a diet?
    Fat Truckie: YEAH!
    Engine Member: How's it going
    Fat Truckie: GREAT!......I have lost 6 pounds
    Engine Company LT: Oh come on my man! That's like throwing a deck chair off the titanic........

    Everyone nearly pizzez themselves in laughter......I shot a piece of potato out of my nose......GD FUNNY!!!
    Last edited by VinnieB; 10-05-2005 at 12:37 AM.

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    we had a guy who was extremely religous(I am too but not like this guy) but we had a guy ask (i'll try to edit it) "Do they swim around in her stomach" and he got so red he left the table

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    I mentioned this in another thread........

    Radio Xmistion for a fire on the 5th floor of an occupied MD...with fire blowing out of 1 window on arrival.....nickle and dime stuff.....


    "Battalion XX to Ladder XX.......K"
    "Ladder XX.....K"
    (Batt)"PD reports perp armed w/ a hand gun in the apt....K"
    Ladderxx: "10-4...armed perp in the apt, K"
    Ladderxx: "What do we do if he starts shootin' k?
    Battalion: "Err...shoot back k...."
    Ladderxx: "10-4 Chief......"

    The Truck found the guy face down and out cold in the hallway of his apt.... and 4 cops on the fire floor bailed out due to the smoke.... LOL!


    God I love this job!
    Last edited by VinnieB; 10-05-2005 at 12:46 AM.

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    An old chief who was not too good with the triage color system giving the report on the radio

    Chief: "We have a bus accident. Paramedics on scene report 10 greens, 4 yellows, and two reds."

    Main FAO: "Any blacks Chief?"

    Chief: "They're all black!"

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    Confuscious say: "Man with hand in pocket, feels cocky all day" per Chris Balassone

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    Quote Originally Posted by ChicagoFF
    An old chief who was not too good with the triage color system giving the report on the radio

    Chief: "We have a bus accident. Paramedics on scene report 10 greens, 4 yellows, and two reds."

    Main FAO: "Any blacks Chief?"

    Chief: "They're all black!"
    ROFLMFAO!! Sounds like something my DC would say.
    Fire Marshal/Safety Officer

    IAAI-NFPA-IAFC/VCOS-Retired IAFF

    "No his mind is not for rent, to any god or government"
    RUSH-Tom Sawyer

    Success is when skill meets opportunity
    Failure is when fantasy meets reality

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    Some great quotes can be found here:
    www.memphisfire.net
    Click on "Quotes" on the left side of the screen.

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    Are HQ is being rehab and we have no heat...so the clerk of the works comes up with a plan for heat in the bunk room ......qoute of the day...

    "Thats so crazy it just might work" and " Ya think"
    IACOJ Membership 2002
    {15}

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    We had a 22 year old telling us what a ladies man he was when I shot him one of my Dads famous one-liners " You couldnt make out in a whore house with a fistfull of $20's "

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    FF - "This might be a stupid question"

    Me- "There is no such thing as a stupid question"

    FF - "Since I live 5 miles from town, do my pager batteries go dead faster than the guys that live in town? You know, since the page has to go farther."

    Me- trying to keep a straight face "Yep, they sure do, and you should also be running the 15w-40 pager oil instead of the 5w-30, so it doesn't overheat."
    Jeremy Quist
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    Not the end of the earth, but you can see clods falling off from here.

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    A fat FF from east side of town detailed over walks into kitchen in a.m., Lt says "Haven't seen you in a while, you been working out?" Fatso says-"No, not really". Lt says-"Yea, I didn't think so". Great line and easily adaptable to other situations.

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    Not really a quote, but rather a funny story... I was about 20 yrs old when this took place and the girl was 19.

    I was with a girl I was dating in my truck and it was raining. The roads around here are really slick when wet. I pulled out from a side street onto an old farm road and pushed the gas. My tires started spinning so I pushed the pedal further to just play around. The speedo read almost 85 m.p.h. and she told me to stop because if a cop shot me with his radar, he would write me a ticket for speeding even though I was only doing about 5 m.p.h. She actually thought that the radar guns read what my speedo said. I couldn't stop laughing and she couldn't understand why, until I explained how radar guns operate.

    Another time, I was at a friends house putting in hardood laminate floors. It was the tongue and groove style. They call them "floating" floors because they aren't secured to the floor beneath them. My friend's girlfriend wanted to know how they "floated" with all that weight. Another classic. Gotta love the blondes!

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    "Not very big around, but it sure is short."

    "I cut that damm board 3 times and it's still too short!"

    When asked how I dated such attractive women in college, I would reply "Im not very good looking, don't have a lot of money, but the called me Mr. Ed in high school and it aint cause I have a long FACE." I was kidding, of course, but it sounded funny to me.

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    Talking

    Funny thing happened yesterday. The Scott tech was giving us a class on our new SCBAs and one of our LTs (a big boy, 6'4" about 300) asks if the straps are any bigger. The tech says no and asks why. The Lt says he has trouble putting it on while in the truck. The tech asks if hes ever tried Jenny Craig?
    Fire Marshal/Safety Officer

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    RUSH-Tom Sawyer

    Success is when skill meets opportunity
    Failure is when fantasy meets reality

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    "I'd rather have a sister in a whore house than a brother on A-shift"

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    Default county instructor on pump ops

    class discussion on drafting..

    instructor:" YOU CAN'T OUT SUCK MOTHER NATURE"

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    We have a Lt. that absolutely murders the English language:

    Some "Budisms"

    "I can't apprehend that."
    "Monkey do, whatta monkey see."
    "They got that drug Vigaro, makes it grow."
    "I'll busticate his head if he looks at me wrong."
    "Engine 1 to da fire dept." (instead of fire alarm)
    "I have no ambition in this world but one, and that is to be a fireman. The position may, in the eyes of some, appear to be a lowly one; but we know the work which a fireman has to do believe that his is a noble calling."

    Edward F. Croker
    Chief 1899-1911
    Fire Dept. City of New York

    HOOK N' CAN of the I.A.C.O.J.

  18. #18
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    We had a structure fire a while back.
    Anyway, one of our probies was told to go force one of those sliding glass doors. Well he goes at it with his halogen, pounding away at the glass trying to break it... to no avail. Well the chief had just pulled up and was doing his 360 size up when he sees the probie. He walks up to him, taps him on the shoulder at which point the probie stops hammering and stands back. The chief nonchalantly slides the door open. It was funny as hell!

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    Quote Originally Posted by NFD-Firefighter View Post
    We had a structure fire a while back.
    Anyway, one of our probies was told to go force one of those sliding glass doors. Well he goes at it with his halogen, pounding away at the glass trying to break it... to no avail. Well the chief had just pulled up and was doing his 360 size up when he sees the probie. He walks up to him, taps him on the shoulder at which point the probie stops hammering and stands back. The chief nonchalantly slides the door open. It was funny as hell!
    Then there was this guy who didn't know that halogen is any of a group of five chemically related nonmetallic elements including fluorine, chlorine, bromine, iodine, and astatine, and a Halligan tool is a fire service forcible entry tool named after its inventor.
    Sorry, I couldn't resist that in this particular thread.
    Last edited by LFD2203; 05-15-2011 at 11:11 AM.

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    A couple of my favorite dispatches....

    Nearby department gets dispatched for an "outside fire" call, the additional info at the end of the announcement was "women states her bush was on fire and would like someone to check it out."


    My department for a "odor of smoke" call in a SFD, the additional info at the end of the announcement was "smell of crack burning".


    Another nearby community many moons ago (pre-911 days) had a rather "special" dispatcher working for them. I didn't personally hear this, but multiple sources confirm this happened. The story goes.......The FD had a decent fire going and the IC called dispatch and requested a mutual aid Air Truck by it's unit ID (Air 4). Several minutes go by and then the dispatcher contacts the IC by radio. She tells him something along the lines of I've got General ????? on the line and he's willing to help you out but he's not sure what you would need the Air Force for.

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    First off this thread is 6 years old!!! Thanks NFD for resurrecting it.

    Quote Originally Posted by NFD-Firefighter View Post
    We had a structure fire a while back.
    Anyway, one of our probies was told to go force one of those sliding glass doors. Well he goes at it with his halogen, pounding away at the glass trying to break it... to no avail. Well the chief had just pulled up and was doing his 360 size up when he sees the probie. He walks up to him, taps him on the shoulder at which point the probie stops hammering and stands back. The chief nonchalantly slides the door open. It was funny as hell!
    Sounds similar to one of my guy's stories. We had a Lieutenant that at a kitchen fire spared the front door by making his firefighter go get the door spreader, then a few minutes later "vented" a sliding glass door from the inside. Didn't damage the front door while the fire was burning unchecked inside, but after knockdown destroys a door that could have been opened. Strange decision making cycle.
    ~Drew
    Firefighter/EMT/Technical Rescue
    USAR TF Rescue Specialist

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    Here is something I picked up (not my work) that should be printed in every firehouse.

    Things I have learned about the Fire service the hard way.
    1. Give the hardest job to the laziest person and you will see the easiest way to do it. Remember take notes.
    2. Never hate someone for their race. Sit down and talk to them, within five minutes you will find a good reason.
    3. If you walk across the front lawn at night you will step in dog ****.
    4. You donít have to stand real tall on this job, but sometimes you have to just stand up.
    5. Itís not where you work but with whom you work. Value it.
    6. Just because you are in charge does not mean you are always right.
    7. Eventually in your career you are going to meet somebody who really does need there *** kicked.
    8. If you do not have anything nice to say, say something mean. At least people will know where you stand.
    9. Sometimes blending in is harder than you think.
    10. At every drill you give there is always going to be that one guy, be ready for him.
    11. The fire dept. is like a sorority with a lot of shine equipment.
    12. If you have a problem with person A, tell person B. By lunch time everybody will know and the problem will be resolved.
    13. Over the course of your career you will meet a lot of people. Pick your friends wisely.
    14. Cheat at cards whenever you can. Trust me they are doing it too .
    15. Honor and integrity are not just bumper sticker slogans.
    16. You are judged by what you do.
    17. It is never too early to start planning your retirement. Just ask the old guy across the table.
    18. Let the little things slide. You are not perfect either.
    19. Remember you are seeing people on their worst day. Be kind.
    20. There is always room for compassion. Itís not your job itís HUMAN.
    21. Find a job you do well and keep doing it.
    22. Everyone needs a little help from time to time. Even you.
    23. It only hurts for a little while.
    24. Butter does not help burns but it is funny to tell people it does.
    25. Remember other people have been doing this job a long time before you got here.
    26. Treat every person the same on this job. Keep in mind you probable cannot drag my fat *** out of a fire by yourself either.
    27. NEVER QUIT. Did I say that loud enough?
    28. You can still learn from a man you donít like.
    29. Pride is the death of us all.
    30. If you accept the fact that you are wrong. It goes a long way towards repentance.
    31. Family first then the job. If you are confused on this matter please do not bid my station.
    32. Keep in mind if it was not for a good test day you might be the patient that is ****ing you off.
    33. Treat people like you would like to be treated. If you have thin skin, keep your mouth shut.
    34. Not everybody is perfect like you.
    35. If you have a problem with somebody, talk to them. Understanding will follow.
    36. When a co-worker goes out of their way to do a good turn for the station, let them know. It breeds harmony.
    37. 95% of this job is living together between calls.
    38. Remember not every person on this job is as macho as you.
    39. Sometimes you have to work in the gray area. Policy is a guideline.
    40. Sound medical judgment and clear thinking will win the day.
    ~Drew
    Firefighter/EMT/Technical Rescue
    USAR TF Rescue Specialist

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    Don't really have a "quote" but every time one of the new guys on the department starts to think he knows it all we tell him to go check the windshield washer fluid in the engine... gets 'em every time.
    Explorer Assistant Chief Alisha Fern

    Leadership: The ability to guide, direct, and influence others.

    Leadership can be thought of as a capacity to define oneself to others in a way that clarifies and expands a vision of the future.


    alisha.fern@firehousemail.com

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    Quote Originally Posted by Explorer Asst Chief Fern View Post
    Don't really have a "quote" but every time one of the new guys on the department starts to think he knows it all we tell him to go check the windshield washer fluid in the engine... gets 'em every time.
    Your engine doesn't have windshield washer? How old is the turd you drive around?
    ~Drew
    Firefighter/EMT/Technical Rescue
    USAR TF Rescue Specialist

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    Quote Originally Posted by Explorer Asst Chief Fern View Post
    Don't really have a "quote" but every time one of the new guys on the department starts to think he knows it all we tell him to go check the windshield washer fluid in the engine... gets 'em every time.
    Really? Thats part of the daily vehicle checks for us. What are you guys cruising around on, horse drawn engines?
    If your going to cry about doing the job you signed up for do us all a favor and quit, there are plenty of dedicated people standing in line for the best job in the world.

    Firefighter/Paramedic

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