1. #1
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    SamsonFCDES's Avatar
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    Jul 2003

    Default New Element Discovered!


    It didn't take long for this discovery!!

    New Element Discovered in the wake of Katrina and Rita A major research
    institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical
    yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named

    Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons,
    and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

    These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
    surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

    Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
    detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

    A tiny amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

    Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay but instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

    This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate
    that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypocritical quantity is referred to as "Critical

    You will know it when you see it. When catalyzed with money, governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates
    just as much energy since it has half as many peons but twice as many
    -Brotherhood: I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
    -Mistakes: It could be that the purpose of you life is to serve as a warning to others.

    -Adversity: That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

    -Despair: Its always darkest before it goes Pitch Black.

  2. #2
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    HFRH28's Avatar
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    Oct 2002
    North Carolina


    Absolutely HILARIOUS! I almost spit tea out my nose!
    Service is the rent you pay for having space on earth.

  3. #3
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    Mar 2004
    Memphis Tn,USA-now


    12 years ago,I did not know of a substance that when ingested by a woman will reduce her sex drive by 95%.
    This evil substance can be legally sold and transported across state lines without obtaining so much as a Certificate of Mother May I? first.There are too numerous forms of this substance to list so I hope that common sense will help all men avoid coming near this work of the Devil
    What nefarious work of Beelzebub am I talking about?
    Wedding Cake.

  4. #4
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    skyraider's Avatar
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    Feb 2005


    That's great! Too bad it's really not a joke!

  5. #5
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    DeputyChiefGonzo's Avatar
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    Aug 2000
    Somewhere between genius and insanity!



    I almost sprayed coffee all over my monitor and desk in my home office!
    ‎"The education of a firefighter and the continued education of a firefighter is what makes "real" firefighters. Continuous skill development is the core of progressive firefighting. We learn by doing and doing it again and again, both on the training ground and the fireground."
    Lt. Ray McCormack, FDNY

  6. #6
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    Mar 2005
    Waterboro, Maine

    Default Cake ha &@% -95%. Good one.

    LOL. When I bought a new tent, they claimed the stakes were made of a new alloy called CANTBENDIUM. I do a lot of winter camping, and I can tell you that they DOBENDIUM, so I'm back to the 20d spikes that have always worked well in February.
    There goes the neighborhood.

  7. #7
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    backsteprescue123's Avatar
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    Apr 2004


    ROFLMFAO!!!!!!! I am gonna print that out and bring it to my chemistry teacher tomorrow.
    These opinions are mine and do not reflect the opinions of any organizations I am affiliated with.

  8. #8
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    MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Mar 2002
    Loco madidus effercio in rutilus effercio.


    That was just too funny!! Its been "posted"......
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  9. #9
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    fireguy919's Avatar
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    Mar 2005
    eastern Ohio


    That was great! LOL
    Training does not make perfect. Training makes permanent!

    IACOJ probie

  10. #10
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    DualReverse's Avatar
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    Jan 2003
    Columbus, OH


    This bit of humor was written in April 1988 and appeared in the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher. William DeBuvitz is a physics professor at Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey (USA). He retired in June of 2000.
    The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
    Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second.

    Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

    Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

    Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.
    Remember KQJ943

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