Planning a Trip to Australia?
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website.
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV ,so how do the plants grow? (UK) A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of?
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.
8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink.
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right?
14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy). A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas.
17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
20. Q: I was in Australia in 1966 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
21. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
You mean this really doesn't happen?
Stupid Tourist Questions ...
We have the same problem in Jasper. Couldn't find the list I was looking for, but here is a similar one from Banff National Park.
Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists
Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the
information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!
1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?
2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?
Park Information Staff:" 'Elk' "
4. Are the bears with collars tame?
5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?
9. Are there birds in Canada?
10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?
11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?
12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?
13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?
14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?
15. Which is the way to the Columbia Rice fields?
16. How far is Banff from Canada?
17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day?
18. Do they search you at the B.C. border?
19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds?
20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they?
21. Are there phones in Banff?
22. So it's eight kilometers away... is that in miles?
23. We're on the decibel system you know.
24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??
25. Is that two kilometers by foot or by car?
26. Don't you Canadians know anything?
27. Where do you put the animals at night?
28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?"
Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom".