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  1. #1
    IACOJ BOD FlyingKiwi's Avatar
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    Default Planning a Trip to Australia?

    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website.

    1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV ,so how do the plants grow? (UK) A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking

    3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

    4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

    5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one.

    6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of?

    7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
    (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.

    8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.

    11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink.

    12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right?

    14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy). A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas.

    17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

    19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    20. Q: I was in Australia in 1966 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    21. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.


  2. #2
    Forum Member PattyV's Avatar
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    Default

    i must admit, i am a little guilty for some of the misconceptions people have of australia, i just cant help but tell them tall tales. its amazing how much they believe.
    "There are only two things that i know are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And im not so sure about the former."

    For all the life of me, i cant see a firefighter going to hell. At least not for very long. We would end up putting out all the fires and annoying the devil too much.

  3. #3
    FIGJAM lutan1's Avatar
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    Default

    2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking
    We've just moved onto 5 acres and we have roos on our property!


    18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
    Whilst I haven't seen any yet, we've been warned that "Browns" are in plague proportions this year

    A bit of info on the friendly ones- CLICK HERE- BROWN SNAKES
    Last edited by lutan1; 01-18-2006 at 11:05 PM.
    Luke

  4. #4
    MembersZone Subscriber Ladder8's Avatar
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    Default You mean this really doesn't happen?

    Is this true?
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    Be safe y'all!
    IACOJ Animal Control
    Ladder 8
    "Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati"

  5. #5
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    Oh god no hahaha ! Generally the only places you'll find Roos jumping around the street are in towns with a population of 10 or less You do get them often on open highways etc. You can write off a car if you do hit a Kangaroo at a reasonable speed. They don't get big enough to ride though haha !

  6. #6
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    Kiwi, your really Steve Irwin huh!
    Warm Regards,
    Shawn Stoner
    EMT-B

  7. #7
    Forum Member PattyV's Avatar
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    Whilst I haven't seen any yet, we've been warned that "Browns" are in plague proportions this year
    We have been warned to watch out for redbacks, they are breeding like crazy on the gold coast.

    We do so jump around on kangaroos, just not the grey ones. The grey ones are too small, we ride around on the red ones. True story.
    "There are only two things that i know are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And im not so sure about the former."

    For all the life of me, i cant see a firefighter going to hell. At least not for very long. We would end up putting out all the fires and annoying the devil too much.

  8. #8
    Forum Member PattyV's Avatar
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    Oh how we wish steve irwin was a kiwi. i have done it before and i will do it again; on behalf of all australians, i apologise for steve irwin.
    "There are only two things that i know are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And im not so sure about the former."

    For all the life of me, i cant see a firefighter going to hell. At least not for very long. We would end up putting out all the fires and annoying the devil too much.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by PattyV
    Oh how we wish steve irwin was a kiwi. i have done it before and i will do it again; on behalf of all australians, i apologise for steve irwin.
    I didnt get to meet him when he was out on the Barry Goldwater Range here in AZ looking for Rattle snakes, however, some people did that I know and they said he was "just like he is on TV.".

    Not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
    Warm Regards,
    Shawn Stoner
    EMT-B

  10. #10
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Default

    We had warnings regarding the 'browns' all through SE Asia, and Australia. Nasty critters those are.

    As for misconceptions and misleadings, we have simliar "problems" in Canada - with similar results. (I wont say which southern country is the worst offender for silly questions tho)
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  11. #11
    Forum Member RspctFrmCalgary's Avatar
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    Default Stupid Tourist Questions ...

    We have the same problem in Jasper. Couldn't find the list I was looking for, but here is a similar one from Banff National Park.

    Stupid tourists...
    Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists

    Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the
    information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!

    1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?
    2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
    3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?
    Park Information Staff:" 'Elk' "
    Tourist: "Oh".
    4. Are the bears with collars tame?
    5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
    6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
    7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
    8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?
    9. Are there birds in Canada?
    10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?
    11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?
    12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?
    13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?
    14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?
    15. Which is the way to the Columbia Rice fields?
    16. How far is Banff from Canada?
    17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day?
    18. Do they search you at the B.C. border?
    19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds?
    20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they?
    21. Are there phones in Banff?
    22. So it's eight kilometers away... is that in miles?
    23. We're on the decibel system you know.
    24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??
    25. Is that two kilometers by foot or by car?
    26. Don't you Canadians know anything?
    27. Where do you put the animals at night?
    28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?"
    Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom".
    Tourist: "Oh!"
    September 11th - Never Forget

    I respect firefighters and emergency workers worldwide. Thank you for what you do.

    Sheri
    IACOJ CRUSTY CONVENTION CHAIR
    Honorary Flatlander

    RAY WAS HERE FIRST

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