Thread: Sideways Humour

  1. #1
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    Default Sideways Humour

    Blonde LOGIC

    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"

    The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

    SPEEDING TICKET

    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

    She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

    RIVER WALK

    There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

    AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

    A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

    "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

    The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched, made her scream.

    The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you"?

    "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

    "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

    KNITTING

    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper rolled down his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

    "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

    BLONDE ON THE SUN

    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

    The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

    The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

    IN A VACUUM

    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

    She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off ?"

    FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

    A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

    Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

    "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

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    Default My favorite blonde joke

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
    -------;- "Aaaaa!!"
    Remember - always wear your helmet around one-eyed women with pike poles

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