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  1. #1
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Talking This Is Not My Fault:

    A co-worker made me do it.

    The Daily Situation, Take 2: What I Do - 25

    ------------------------
    Reply to: pers-142058107@craigslist.org Date: 2006-03-15, 8:14AM EST


    “So, what do you do?”

    Sweet Jesus, I hate this question; it infests DC like no other place I’ve lived. I get asked it every time I meet people, be they at or bar, friends of friends, spontaneous conversations in Safeway—hell, ragged old ladies sometimes accost me walking down the street, just to find out what I do. My job lacks the excitement or concise definition of most vocations, so I normally just lie about it.

    “So, what do you do?” the homeless guy outside the Rosslyn Metro asks me.

    “Why…I…am…Assistant…Director…o f…Resource…Management…of…Poult ry,” I reply.

    “Wait a second—why did you pause so much? Are you just making this up?” the homeless guy menacingly intones.

    “Of…course…not…I…was…just…buil ding…suspense,” I say, before throwing down my Vitamin Water and bagel and running away in shame.

    The fact of the matter is, I’m very unsure of what my job actually IS. I work at an office and do a little bit of this (Solitaire) and a little bit of that (Spider Solitaire), but nothing that can be encapsulated in one or two words, like “Fireman” or “Bikini Inspector”. For me, everyday is an aggregate of small, insignificant tasks, designed solely for the purpose of making it to 5 PM. Play a game of Solitaire, 10 minutes. Knock out a Sudoku, 10 more minutes. Brew and drink coffee—oh, I can stretch that for at least a quarter hour. Trouble is, by 11 AM each day I’m normally wired on caffeine and exhausted of brief computer games, so I’m always desperately in need of Big Timekilling Activities. I’ve developed elaborate BTA’s involving round robin tournaments of office games, games that normally include Styrofoam cups, uneaten yogurt tins, and a three-hole punch, but those normally end quickly in tragedy:

    “Good God, this coffee tastes terrible! And what’s this gooey purple stuff on my papers?” my boss inevitably asks. I tend to look away and make a cryptic comment about the last intern being “Very, very strange. And possibly retarded.”

    So as you can see, the collective nincompoopery of my officemates puts the kibosh on office game BTA’s, so I have to turn to tasks more individual in nature. The other day, for instance, I decided that there was no good reason not to make a paper clip necklace. I took the precaution of borrowing the receptionist’s paper clips, because there was no way in hell those puppies were going to survive, and I didn’t want to be accused of wasting office supplies. I finished in about 10 minutes, put on the necklace and snuck into the restroom to check myself out.

    “Hmm, good, but not that good,” I said aloud, admiring my handiwork in the bathroom mirror. “I really can make it bigger.”

    “It’s not the size of the boat, just the motion in the ocean,” the middle-aged man from across the hall said as he exited the bathroom stall. “You’ll be fine, son.”

    “No, I wasn’t talking about that, I was talking about…” I began, before realizing that I had two options here: admit that I was just looking at a paper clip necklace I made for myself, or fess up to a complete stranger about feelings of penile inadequacy. Tough call, but the choice was clear.

    “Thanks, I’m sure women will like me just the way I am,” I answered with a nod.

    I think I made the right decision—because in the end, I had a whole day in front of me, a cup full of paper clips, and, by God, I was GOING to make it bigger.



    this is in or around DC

    no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


    Ever have "One of (These) Days"?
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.


  2. #2
    MembersZone Subscriber pvfire424's Avatar
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    Default

    Ya know , I started to laugh out loud, when I realized how similar that is to my day job.

    Now I'm depressed.... OOOOH ! someone put out cookies !!!

    Gotta go !
    I.A.C.O.J. "The Cork"

  3. #3
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Default

    Here ya go. Enjoy!
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  4. #4
    MembersZone Subscriber pvfire424's Avatar
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    Default

    Sometimes I miss out on the sweets and I feel like Milton from Office space.
    I.A.C.O.J. "The Cork"

  5. #5
    Forum Member BFDNJFF's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pvfire424
    Sometimes I miss out on the sweets and I feel like Milton from Office space.



    this will make you all better now
    ******=================
    ******================
    ******=================
    ******================
    =======================
    =======================
    =======================

    ------GOD BLESS AMERICA ! ------

  6. #6
    Forum Member LeuitEFDems's Avatar
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    Default

    "dat's my tapler....if you don't give it back, i'll i'll burn this whole plath down..."
    The comments made by me are my opinions only, not of the Fire and EMS services I am affiliated with.

    I have lost my mind..has anyone seen it? it's not worth much..but it's mine

  7. #7
    Forum Member BFDNJFF's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LeuitEFDems
    "dat's my tapler....if you don't give it back, i'll i'll burn this whole plath down..."

    made this just for you

    ******=================
    ******================
    ******=================
    ******================
    =======================
    =======================
    =======================

    ------GOD BLESS AMERICA ! ------

  8. #8
    MembersZone Subscriber pvfire424's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BFDNJFF


    this will make you all better now

    Not quite , I want my piece of cake.

    last time I did not receive a piece.
    I.A.C.O.J. "The Cork"

  9. #9
    Forum Member tbonetrexler's Avatar
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    Default


    would you like this one?
    Do a little dance, make a little rum, Italian Ice! Italian Ice!

    Actual lyric: Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, get down tonight.
    (KC & The Sunshine Band "Do A Little Dance")

    My thoughts are mine alone and do not represent the thoughts of any Organization to which I am affiliated.

  10. #10
    MembersZone Subscriber pvfire424's Avatar
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    Default

    Thanks !! I do feel better now.


    Wait! Dang it the batteries on my flashlight just died !! Where is the Raid?
    I.A.C.O.J. "The Cork"

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