Thread: Ouch

  1. #1
    IACOJ BOD
    FlyingKiwi's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,757

    Default Ouch

    Mrs. Jones Accident

    Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him
    his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes
    to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's
    been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling
    the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the
    waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.

    "Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.

    "Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?" The doctor
    sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's
    accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."

    "Oh my God," says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"

    "Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However,
    her spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills
    or capability. This means you will have to feed her."
    Mr. Jones begins to sob.

    "And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours
    to prevent pneumonia." Mr. Jones begins to wail and
    cry loudly.

    "Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have
    to diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder
    and of course these diapers must be changed at least
    five times a day." Mr. Jones begins to shake as he
    cries, sobs, wails.

    The doctor continues, "And you'll have to clean up her
    feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over
    her sphincter. Her bowels will engorge whenever and
    quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean her
    immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent
    she'll be emitting regularly."

    Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and
    beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful
    mass. Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats
    Mr. Jones on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm just joking with
    you, she's dead."
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

  2. #2
    MembersZone Subscriber

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    clear lake, texas
    Posts
    94

    Default

    is it sad i find that frickin hilarious!!??

  3. #3
    This space for rent
    NYSmokey's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Recently relocated to Baltimore County, MD
    Posts
    1,018

    Default

    Gallows humor at its best
    Tom

    Never Forget 9-11-2001

    Stay safe out there!

    IACOJ Member

  4. #4
    MembersZone Subscriber
    MalahatTwo7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Loco madidus effercio in rutilus effercio.
    Posts
    12,837

    Default

    Mmm thats something the morticians might have said to us when I was doing body calls, back home.



    **Imangine the relief to find out you wouldn't have to do all the extra work!**
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  5. #5
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    381

    Default

    I don't care what anyone says, Thats funny, not right but funny

  6. #6
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Las Vegas,Nevada
    Posts
    1,012

    Talking peace at last

    Maybe it is just a little macabe but after 37 years of marriage the peace and quiet would be a blessing.

  7. #7
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    587

    Default

    My actual thought for the punch line was going to be "so what else is new"
    K-9 hunt, the ultimate challange.
    EVERYONE GOES HOME
    IACOJ

  8. #8
    MembersZone Subscriber
    Shoreman22's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Mantoloking, NJ, USA
    Posts
    117

    Talking

    WARNING WILL ROBINSON!! DOCTOR SMITH!! DANGER!!

    "After further review, the call on the field stands - it's funny!!"
    Proud member of the IACOJ.

    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you....

    "It seemed like a good idea at the time..."

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. OUCH Video's
    By tyler101 in forum Emergency (& Non) Entertainment
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-09-2006, 03:22 PM
  2. Probably late reporting but ouch nonetheless
    By Jay911 in forum The Off Duty Forums
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-11-2005, 05:13 PM
  3. Didn't see this in the video search...Ouch
    By Adler9116 in forum The Off Duty Forums
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 01-13-2005, 11:33 AM
  4. Ouch... F150 vs. Dodge Intrepid cruiser
    By Jay911 in forum University of Extrication
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 12-18-2003, 08:54 AM
  5. Ouch
    By FlyingKiwi in forum The Off Duty Forums
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 03-03-2003, 09:36 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Log in

Click here to log in or register