Help! I Am An Idiot

[FlyingKiwi]

HELP! I'M AN IDIOT
Revealed: Britain's stupidest call centre customers
By Jeremy Armstrong
A HILARIOUS collection of the stupidest customers to ring Britain's call centres has become a cult hit.

Many callers were recorded as they went through some of the silliest inquiries ever received by exasperated operators.

They include a dimwit who rang the RAC to ask if he needed to move the steering wheel to the left side of his car to drive in France.

And a baffled computer user who, when Tech Support asked: "Can you see the OK button in the left hand bottom of the screen?", replied: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

The loony exchanges are rapidly flying around the web in a chain email. Here are some of the best...

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the travel centre".
Operator: "They're our opening hours".

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "In the user guide it clearly states I need to unplug the fax machine from the wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Can you give me his number?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: " Doesn't the name of the product give you a clue?"

Caller: "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

Caller: "I''d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That''s what it says on the label: Woven in Scotland".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I''m steaming up the window to write the number on"."

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK" .
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No" .
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No" .
Tech Support: "OK. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

[BFDLT32]

I work with the last guy who called tech support It is fun to have him around the station, no wait I mean administration

[ckresmer]

those are funny

[MalahatTwo7]

My all-time favourite phone messenger recording:

"The number you have dialed, 9-1-1, is out of service. Please check your telephone directory and try your call again."

[martinm]

Just to add to the ones posted by Ian, (I'm sure there are some NZ ones as well )

These are some of the "emergency" 999 calls we've taken over the last few months at work:

Caller - I need to know the nearest pizza takeaway place
Operator - This is'nt an emergency
Caller - Yes it is, my wifes pregnant and thats all she eats.

Caller - What time do you close?
Operator - We've extended our hours to cope with Christmas
Caller - Excellent, I'll call in later.

Caller - I've just bought a takeaway at ******* and its terrible
Operator - This is the police emergency service sir, whats that got to do with us?
Caller - I want the owner arresting for selling this muck.

Caller - My car won't start, can you help?
Operator - We're the police sir, you need a garage
Caller - Yes, but they'll be ages, you would be much quicker.

Oh well, it keeps us in a job dealing with these idiots




Caller

[CaptainMikey]

Nothing beats that call from the woman in the taco place drive through!

[MalahatTwo7]

Or you could be this guy.....

Police: Carjacker Gets Lost, Calls 911 On Self

POSTED: 11:06 am EST December 28, 2006

BOCA RATON, Fla. -- Police said a man who carjacked an SUV in Boca Raton drove all the way to Palm Springs before becoming lost and calling 911 on himself.

According to police reports, Claude King, 31, approached Caroline Funkey's black GMC Envoy while it was stopped at a red light in Boca Raton. The report said King smashed the driver's side window and pulled the driver out of the vehicle. Once inside, police said King began to punch the other four passengers.

One of Funkey's friends, Kellina Beach, 18, struck her head on the pavement as she fell from the SUV and had to receive stitches at Boca Raton Community Hospital, police said.

According to the report, once King got the passengers out of the SUV, he began to drive wildly around the area, finally heading southbound down Interstate 95.

Police said that, while heading southbound, King struck a white Chevrolet pickup and decided to turn around and head north. According to the report, he then struck another vehicle along the way and decided to pull over in Palm Springs.

A few minutes after the alleged carjacking, police said they received a 911 call from a pay phone in Palm Springs. It was King.

"Um, I committed a crime," King allegedly told the dispatcher. "I stole a vehicle."

When the dispatcher asked for his name, King allegedy said, "I'd rather do this: Could you just send the police over here?"

The dispatcher then asked where the stolen car was located, to which King replied, "I couldn't even tell you. I don't even know where I'm at."

Palm Springs police Officer Lt. Mark Hall said they found King sitting on the curb near the stolen SUV.

According to the police report, Boca Raton police arrested King and took him to the hospital for a swollen right hand. King was then booked into the Palm Beach County Jail, where he was being held without bail.

Distributed by Internet Broadcasting.

[Itsmy6]

Nothing beats that call from the woman in the taco place drive through!

I thought that was burger king.