1. #1
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    Default Hypothetical question:

    Lets suppose you have been happily married for 10 years. Your spouse is wonderful, perfect and your best friend.

    Five years ago, your spouse, while away at work, had a one-night stand. It happened only once, and your spouse has not seen or heard from the other person again. Your spouse has also never done anything like that since that night.

    Now, your spouse is having horribly guilty feelings, and is thinking of telling you about that one night.

    Do you want to know?

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    Okay, I'll be the first one to bite. For the record, I am female and been married twice.

    First, these things don't happen for no reason. The person had to have thought about their spouse at some point during that "one night" but went ahead anyway. Has the issue (got married too soon and felt regret, mid-life crisis, etc.) been resolved and likely never to happen again? Then, okay, forgive yourself and move on. I don't need to know.

    BUT, if there is anyway I might find out later (person resurfaces, pictures were taken, your best friend knows, etc) I'd rather hear it from you first. Having a other woman's jealous spouse call you and tell you is almost unforgivable. It happened to me, so I know.

    Keep in mind, this is just my humble opinion. Marriages are tough, especially when you are young. Having vowed to never try it again, I still respect and admire those people who make it work.

    Hope this helps.
    PAJ

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    Resist the temptation to hear the details. While it might the the wife feel better (less guilty?) about what happened, the husband will now know all of the details, and will not be able to ever look at the wife the same way again. No matter how hard he tries, the details will always resurface.

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    Better call Dr. Phil (your head with crap)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dickey View Post
    Better call Dr. Phil (your head with crap)
    That is a good one.
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

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    Quote Originally Posted by FiremedicSpud View Post
    Lets suppose you have been happily married for 10 years. Your spouse is wonderful, perfect and your best friend.

    Five years ago, your spouse, while away at work, had a one-night stand. It happened only once, and your spouse has not seen or heard from the other person again. Your spouse has also never done anything like that since that night.

    Now, your spouse is having horribly guilty feelings, and is thinking of telling you about that one night.

    Do you want to know?
    Hypothetical question? I think not. Come clean with your wife pal, otherwise, you can say good bye to your "sweet potatoe pie!" good luck bro.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FiremedicSpud View Post
    Lets suppose you have been happily married for 10 years. Your spouse is wonderful, perfect and your best friend.

    Five years ago, your spouse, while away at work, had a one-night stand. It happened only once, and your spouse has not seen or heard from the other person again. Your spouse has also never done anything like that since that night.

    Now, your spouse is having horribly guilty feelings, and is thinking of telling you about that one night.

    Do you want to know?
    I think you should keep your secret to yourself and not tell her. If you need to talk to someone about it go see your local counselor. Some things a better left unsaid.

    Now If I could only live by my on advice - seems some people never know when to shut up.

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    LOL... Hold on ladies and gents..

    This is TRULY a hypothetical question, as I am not, nor ever been married. Never even close. Haven't been involved with a woman for three years.

    I am developing a question for our hiring committee. My question was to be based on morals away from work.

    I was just sorta hoping to see the varied answers out there, based upon a cross-section of people, and over a wide geographical area. It seems that I tempted y'all to read more into the question than I anticipated.

    I guess I will go back and re-write the question.

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    Personally,

    Time to be a man. But I am old fashioned.

    You don't do the crime if you can't do the time. You spill your guts early, because it is easeier then to wait, let it eat you up, get caught up in the lies, and deal with the problems later.
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

    "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

    www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

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    i would not want to know
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    Oh.I was about to trot out my ex's tactic when she'd find some dirt(e.g.running into an old girlfriend and getting an hug) on me of holding it in until an inopportune moment and then giving me both barrels over it.
    Some people will hold in something they find out about a spouse or significant other until they find the "right moment" to vent about it like they were on "Jerry Springer".

    But,yes,I would want to know.If my spouse cannot honor her marriage vows,what else will I not be able to trust her on?

    Quote Originally Posted by FiremedicSpud View Post
    LOL... Hold on ladies and gents..

    This is TRULY a hypothetical question, as I am not, nor ever been married. Never even close. Haven't been involved with a woman for three years.

    I am developing a question for our hiring committee. My question was to be based on morals away from work.

    I was just sorta hoping to see the varied answers out there, based upon a cross-section of people, and over a wide geographical area. It seems that I tempted y'all to read more into the question than I anticipated.

    I guess I will go back and re-write the question.

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    It's better to tell the other than the other to find out on their own. Lord knows i've found out on my own every time and it kills the relationship. It's one thing to cheat but another to lie about it.
    I tried making a relationship work after the cheating and lies.. but every time something sexual was brought up I could just see him with this other girl and couldn't stop. :shruggs:
    glad I found out though!! Made him get tested made me happy to know it hurt when he peed afterwards.. but thats just me lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by FiremedicSpud View Post
    LOL... Hold on ladies and gents..

    This is TRULY a hypothetical question, as I am not, nor ever been married. Never even close. Haven't been involved with a woman for three years.

    I am developing a question for our hiring committee. My question was to be based on morals away from work.

    I was just sorta hoping to see the varied answers out there, based upon a cross-section of people, and over a wide geographical area. It seems that I tempted y'all to read more into the question than I anticipated.

    I guess I will go back and re-write the question.
    You may want to scrap the question all together. I don't see any point in asking an irrelevant question with no clear right or wrong answer. Interviews are tough enough with-out hypothetical questions about cheating spouses. On a different note, 3 years with-out a date, whats with the dry spell? Maybe more time at the bar and less time on-line?

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    Quote Originally Posted by polecat View Post
    You may want to scrap the question all together. I don't see any point in asking an irrelevant question with no clear right or wrong answer. Interviews are tough enough with-out hypothetical questions about cheating spouses. On a different note, 3 years with-out a date, whats with the dry spell? Maybe more time at the bar and less time on-line?
    YEs, and there might be an issue wit hasking someone about their lifestyle. Be careful about what you ask, some questions are inappropriate in an interview. Keep the questions job related and you won't have a problem.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DaSharkie View Post
    Personally,

    Time to be a man. But I am old fashioned.

    You don't do the crime if you can't do the time. You spill your guts early, because it is easeier then to wait, let it eat you up, get caught up in the lies, and deal with the problems later.
    Ditto............
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    Quote Originally Posted by FiremedicSpud View Post
    I am developing a question for our hiring committee. My question was to be based on morals away from work.
    Bad idea. If you're going to develop "morals" questions, keep them simple. Otherwise you'll find yourself measuring your own morality and preconceptions instead of the applicant's.

    There's a good reason why psych tests -- and that's what you're building -- are created, studied, and normed by professionals. If you want a psych test, get one off the shelf that has a proven record of both reliability and validity.

    Quote Originally Posted by FiremedicSpud View Post
    I guess I will go back and re-write the question.
    Don't. Step away from the pencil. If you want a reliable & valid assessment tool, you don't want to try and write it yourself.

    If you insist on rolling your own, keep it simple and avoid ambiguity at all costs.

    But, please, don't insist.
    "Nemo Plus Voluptatis Quam Nos Habant"

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    On a different note, 3 years with-out a date, whats with the dry spell? Maybe more time at the bar and less time on-line?
    Well, I doubt you are trying to take a cheap shot, so I won't reply in that fashion.

    I will answer honestly:

    I'm not involved because I suck in relationships. I'm just not good at it, and I understand that. I have never cheated, lied or misled any of my past girlfriends. It's just that I have found that I am a better person without attachment. I fully respect those who prefer to be in relationships. LOL.. It's kind of like water-skiing- I suck at that too, so I don't do it anymore.

    Lastly, "spending too much time online?" How did you get that? I asked a question on a huge website with a multitude of people, both diverse and broad. If anything, I find the internet to be a great research tool.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FiremedicSpud View Post
    Well, I doubt you are trying to take a cheap shot, so I won't reply in that fashion.

    I will answer honestly:

    I'm not involved because I suck in relationships. I'm just not good at it, and I understand that. I have never cheated, lied or misled any of my past girlfriends. It's just that I have found that I am a better person without attachment. I fully respect those who prefer to be in relationships. LOL.. It's kind of like water-skiing- I suck at that too, so I don't do it anymore.

    Lastly, "spending too much time online?" How did you get that? I asked a question on a huge website with a multitude of people, both diverse and broad. If anything, I find the internet to be a great research tool.


    Just yankin' your chain bro. If anyone spends too much time on-line, its me, since i discovered this site. Enjoy your bachelorhood while you can,as single fireman don't stay unattached long. Also, don't be so hard on yourself, and never admit to sucking at anything.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FiremedicSpud View Post
    Lets suppose you have been happily married for 10 years. Your spouse is wonderful, perfect and your best friend.

    Five years ago, your spouse, while away at work, had a one-night stand. It happened only once, and your spouse has not seen or heard from the other person again. Your spouse has also never done anything like that since that night.

    Now, your spouse is having horribly guilty feelings, and is thinking of telling you about that one night.

    Do you want to know?
    NO where in here does it say anything about anything on hiring and or questions anything about hiring. You asked for an answer and thats what people gave you. To answer your question, hell yeah I'd want to know! And her sh*^ would be out the door right after I found out!

    What knid of dept is this?

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    Talking

    This situation presents a golden opportunity. First I'd let her get it all out in the open and then tell her she owes me one "street pass".

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    1. Are you the person who had the affair? Did it really only happen one time, 5+ years ago? Does the other person have a clue about it yet? Are you only telling them to ease your guilty mind? If that is your reason, man up, suck it up and live with your own guilt. Why destroy your relationship because you feel guilty. Go deal with it through a counselor or your minister.

    2. If the other person is the offender, do you already know that it happened? If not, you don't want to know. Especially if it was one time, 5 years prior. There is no point opening wounds at this time. The other person won't remember enough details about what they were thinking to be able to answer your questions. If the other person has already told you that it happened, avoid asking any details. Details are not going to help you deal with the emotional roller coaster. You think they will but they won't. You need serious couples counselling right away or this will tear your relationship apart.

    Hypothetically speaking of course.

    I am not a therapist or a couples counselor. I am just a guy who wouldn't want to know.

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