Thread: Need advice

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    Lightbulb Need advice

    I am wanting to join a local vol. fire-rescue dept. only problem is wife dont like the idea.She says I need to do 1 dangerous job at a time(currently serving in national guard) any ideas how I can change her mind?

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    Quote Originally Posted by michaelh View Post
    I am wanting to join a local vol. fire-rescue dept. only problem is wife dont like the idea.She says I need to do 1 dangerous job at a time(currently serving in national guard) any ideas how I can change her mind?
    I'd say if you can't talk her into it then just drop it.

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    Well, you could just go ahead and join, but then you should get used to sleeeping on your couch.

    But seriosly, sit her down and talk to her, tell her how much you want to do this and how happy you are when your helping people (I assume you enjoy helping others if your in the Gaurd). If you know any of the guys on the FD you are wanting to join bring them around your house and let them talk to your wife, even better yet bring their wives over to talk to her. lets us know your decision and good luck.

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    Wink I agree

    I agree with both of the responces. But if your wife is still not thrilled about the idea then you need to ask yourself which is more important to you (Firefighting or your wife). Your wife is already worried for you. Do you have a long time with the National Guard? If not then maybe consider waiting.

    Basically you need to decide which is more important to you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tfdping1018 View Post
    Well, you could just go ahead and join, but then you should get used to sleeeping on your couch.

    But seriosly, sit her down and talk to her, tell her how much you want to do this and how happy you are when your helping people (I assume you enjoy helping others if your in the Gaurd). If you know any of the guys on the FD you are wanting to join bring them around your house and let them talk to your wife, even better yet bring their wives over to talk to her. lets us know your decision and good luck.
    I'm with tfd here. Tell her how much it means to you wanting to volunteer and hopefully she'll be able to accept it and over time she might get over it. I know my wife doesn't always like the idea but she's comin around.
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    Ryan

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    I agree with what everyone else says. Have an honest and upfront conversation with her. My wife was leary as well, but the reason I joined was to repay the city for helping my family when it needed it. I enjoy what we're doing and 90% of are runs are medicals.

    She's now 100% behind me, joined the Auxilary, and she commented on joining as well. I told her if she ever wanted to join I would support her 100%. We already have one huband/wife team, wouldn't hurt to have another.

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    I think you have to take a look at how much time you are spending away from home and your wife. Its never fun to be the spouse left setting at home alone all the time. Also, how much responsibility are you leaving to her because of the time you spend away? Kids? House? ???? She may not want to take on anymore.
    I completely understand why you want be involved but you have to be fair with your family too or it can cause huge problems.
    I'm gone two nights a week for my volunteer dept. Plus, I work one 8 hour night shift per week as an EMT/ARFF at the local airport on top of my regular full time job. I love doing it but its tough to keep up at home. My husband is very understanding and supportive but I know he gets annoyed at times because I'm gone quite a bit.
    We have several members on my dept. that are dealing with upset spouses because of how much time they spend there. We may lose a couple of them in the near future because of it. Its not uncommon in volunteer depts.
    Think about your time. Think about how it will effect your wife. Talk about it with her and don't do anything unless you're in agreement or meet in the middle somewhere.
    S.Davis
    EMT-B/FF1/ARFF

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    my ex husband hated me fighting fire .. even though I was a fire fighter when he met me .. I gave it up for him and my kids because he hated it so much .. my certs ran out .. then so did he anyway .. so personal choice there my friend . and not an easy one I do not envy you the position .

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    Quote Originally Posted by IMABASICEMT View Post
    We have several members on my dept. that are dealing with upset spouses because of how much time they spend there.
    Lets just say everybody married and on a fd has upset spouses at home. Mine is upset all the time but I can't blame her.

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    I was married to the department before I was married to her. Kidding!! I think I am. Anyway, Do what you can do, but always when given the chance, watch you kids grow up, and make time for the spouse. Without their acceptance things can become strained. It is a rough life being a volley in that sense. But you can make it work if you really want to.


    STILL STANDING!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Default Used to have that attitude

    My husband was a volunteer before we were married and to be honest I wasn't really thrilled with idea. "If you can't be them, join them" and that's what I had to do. There's something about helping others that makes you volunteer. Eventually, she'll come around like I did. Who would have thought that I would have taken any interest in our EMS and later used that towards my nursing career. Our fire dept. is like our extended family and I can't imagine our life without it. My advice bring her around the fire dept. involve her so she understands why you want to volunteer. Good luck!!

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