Thread: U. P. S.

  1. #1

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    Default U. P. S.

    After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions> recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit
    S: Something tightened in cockpit

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last..................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.

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    We've seen that list with Auzzie Air too
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

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    Oh

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    Even if they were replicated, they're still funny Jack.
    Firefighter/EMT
    My words stated here do not necessarily point towards organizations which I am affiliated with.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RFxplr326 View Post
    Even if they were replicated, they're still funny Jack.
    No worries, Jack. What He said! ^^^^^
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

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    I've read that before, but since its been a while, I forgot them all, and it was all funny again.
    Get busy livin, or get busy dyin. - Shawshank Redemption
    IACOJ

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    Quote Originally Posted by jacklrd View Post

    By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
    http://aviation-safety.net/database/...?id=20060208-0


    It is funny. I love reading that.
    Last edited by KyleWickman; 05-03-2007 at 10:57 PM.
    This space for rent

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    My old department had gripe sheets for maintenance requests but I wasn't allowed to fill one out after writing up a"starboard thruster flux capacitor needing replacement"on one of the brush Jeeps.
    Jaysus was my Captain in a mood after that one.

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    By the way I am the only person gulable (sp) to have thought that the list was real

    Edited to add:

    WEE-My 100th post

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    Have you been assigned to check the spare tire on your rig lately?It's way up front,almost underneath the pump panel.Ask your Driver/Engineer to help you with the check.



    Quote Originally Posted by jacklrd View Post
    By the way I am the only person gulable (sp) to have thought that the list was real

    Edited to add:

    WEE-My 100th post

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    Yea, right near the dump valve?

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    A couple of things I have learned to NEVER say:

    "We have never had an accident"

    "It just can't get any worse"

    One of my favorites is when you are watching your favorite football team and the announcer says something about how your star running back never fumbles, low and behold what is the next thing that happens...."FUMBLE"


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    That's good stuff.


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    There are actually 9 incidents on record with the NTSB for UPS. None of which are very serious.

    http://www.ntsb.gov/ntsb/brief.asp?e...11X11043&key=1

    They tried to land in a tropical storm....

    Some of the good parts:
    Witnesses reported the airplane produced a "heavy rooster tail of water" as soon as it touched down on runway 35L. Airport Rescue and Fire Fighting personnel that responded to the accident site, reported that despite the location of their fire house, approximately 1/4-mile across the ramp from the resting place of the airplane, the aircraft was not visible due to the heavy rain that prevailed at the time of the mishap. Some of the first responders reported that "it was raining sideways" at the time of the mishap. Tire marks, similar to "steam cleaning" were found on the concrete surface of the runway, from the touchdown point to the point where the airplane exited the left side of the 150-foot wide runway, were consistent with the tires being in a state of hydroplaning.
    Last edited by nmfire; 05-04-2007 at 06:37 PM.
    Even the burger-flippers at McDonald's probably have some McWackers.

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    A plane engulfed in flames and written off is not serious?
    This space for rent

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    It was burned cargo. Safe landing, no crash, nobody hurt. In the grand scheme of things, no it wasn't serious.
    Even the burger-flippers at McDonald's probably have some McWackers.

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    Yeah,no biggie.Like that orange bag a helo from USS Saratoga dropped in the water right alongside my ship one day in the Med.We damned near shot them down with Terrier missiles over that one until we found out it was only Navy Directives to be added to some manual.
    Then we bought enough beer that flight crew was unfit for service for a week.

    Quote Originally Posted by nmfire View Post
    It was burned cargo. Safe landing, no crash, nobody hurt. In the grand scheme of things, no it wasn't serious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stewart46 View Post
    One of my favorites is when you are watching your favorite football team and the announcer says something about how your star running back never fumbles, low and behold what is the next thing that happens...."FUMBLE"

    Or the HS quarterback that tries to impress his girlfriend by throwing a pass when Coach said to keep the ball on the ground?The fastest defensive tackle in the state intercepts the ball and heads for a touchdown only to have the quarterback catch him right at the 3 yard line.
    As the Coach later explains it to the media"Coach T's man was running for a touchdown to win the game,right?"
    "My man was running for his life,I garontee that."

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