Terror Alert

[Dave1983]

Got this from a Brit friend whos ex RAF fire. Thought I would share...


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

[FlyingKiwi]

Meanwhile Kiwi land is still ticking along in "No worries Mate" mode, which has been the single level of alert for over 100 years.

[Tooanfrom]

There is a higher rating that can be applied(I am a Brit)

Should our local "Chippie/Eel&Pie/Pub" be bombed we go into Highly ****#d Off mode.

The Iranian Embassy was a "Gnats ****" below H.P.O--whilst the Falklands was only just coming up to H.P.O(then they gave in before the fun really started)

I hear the Gurkha Regiment has been deployed against the Talaban--now when those little fella's get a "Tad ****#d Off"(and this does not even get to "Highly")--not nice!

[FlyingKiwi]

Yup.

Quoted during the Falklands war.

British Gaurds Regiment marching along (all over 6 foot tall) get rapidly passed by 5 foot not many inches Ghurkas carrying a damn site more weight per man.

Gaurds Officer tells the Ghurka officer to slow down or his men will be too tired to fight.

Laughing the officer responded "Slow down? The problem is getting the buggers to stop before the enemies lines."


TooanFrom
Geez you daft bat, get the spelling right eh. Your supposed to be a POM.

[Tooanfrom]

Yup.

Quoted during the Falklands war.

British Gaurds Regiment marching along (all over 6 foot tall) get rapidly passed by 5 foot not many inches Ghurkas carrying a damn site more weight per man.

Gaurds Officer tells the Ghurka officer to slow down or his men will be too tired to fight.

Laughing the officer responded "Slow down? The problem is getting the buggers to stop before the enemies lines."


TooanFrom
Geez you daft bat, get the spelling right eh. Your supposed to be a POM.

Flying Kiwi(not quite a Pom-but would like to be )
My dear old thing, please run Gurkha and Guards(plural of "Guard")thru the jolly old spelling thingymabob-remember you Colonial types and our American cousins only speak my language because we let you,under sufferance.

[snowball]

Those Brits, always making light of bad times. I'm proud to be their ally.

We'll have to work on those yucko's from down under, I think they'll make the list though!

[frenchfireball]

Got this from a Brit friend whos ex RAF fire. Thought I would share...


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

i read the part concerning the french government and i could not stop laughing,very great one.it is well written and a little bit sarcastic,but worth reading,lol.

[GodSendRain]

Those Brits, always making light of bad times. I'm proud to be their ally.

We'll have to work on those yucko's from down under, I think they'll make the list though!

Funny you should say that, speaking of making light of bad times. I like to watch CSPAN because it is the easiest way to see what our Representatives and Senators are doing without some news network putting a political twist to it.

Every now and then CSPAN has coverage of the British Parliament in session. I enjoy watching that simply because of the difference in humor. Watch our Congress in session and you get a bunch of strait-faced men and women who rarely ever even crack a smile and talk in monotones. The Brits, on the other hand, handle issues while being much more jovial about it, keeping things brief and witty. They are allowed to give instant feedback on what they think of another person's position (usually by way of a "Here, here!"), whereas when someone talks in the House or Senate, there must be complete silence for the duration of the speaker's allotted debate time. (Of course, it helps that they have the Prime Minister present, you could imagine how much more interesting our sessions would be if President Bush were to visit Congress once a week or so ).

Edit: Spanish glass-bottoms submarines. That one got me rolling.

[SteveDude]

Seen this before...very funny. I wonder what level those currently under water in the summer floods are at?

I'd guess they are now at 'well p1ssed off' level.

[st42stephenAFT]

Hahaha, very nice. I liked the Spanish part. :P

[sts060]

Here in the States, we have a different set of threat levels. The current general threat level is "Bert".

[res54cuecaptain]

i perfer ron white's threat levels....

1) Find a helmet

2) Put on your ****ing helmet

[Dave1983]

Here in the States, we have a different set of threat levels. The current general threat level is "Bert".

I have this one posted on the wall in my office at HQ. Always gets a laugh.