Thread: Funny Quotes

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    Talking Funny Quotes

    What are some funny quotes that you know? Here are mine:
    "If at first you don't suceed, skydiving is not for you."
    "If life gives you lemons, squirt them in somebody's eyes."

    Dylan

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    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

    Stealing from one person is plagiarism, stealing from many is research.

    "The entire economy of the Western world is built on things that cause cancer."

    From the 1985 movie "Bliss"

    "Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry."

    George Ade (1866 - 1944)

    "Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something."

    Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988), Time Enough For Love

    "As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it."

    Dick Cavett (1936 - )
    The opinions I post to these forums do not represent any entity to which I am affiliated.

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    There is no gravity - the earth sucks.
    ullrichk
    a.k.a.
    perfesser

    a ship in a harbor is safe. . . but that's not what ships are for

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    Do proverbs count?
    Man who run infront of car get tired.
    Man who run behind car get exhausted.
    Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
    (Yes, I know they're probably fake...)
    And how about a couple that aren't so funny...
    He who never made a mistake never made a discovery.
    The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
    It is only those who never do anything who never make mistakes.


    "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
    "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. "-Homer Simpson
    "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."
    Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
    He who laughs last didn't get it.
    "We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture." -Robin Williams.

    "I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ***, okay?" -Denis Leary.
    "I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the ****ed off people live in one place and get it over with." -Denis Leary.

    And now for the George W. Bush quotes.
    Disclaimer: I am in no way attempting to start a politcial war. I think Mr. Bush is a good person that made some really bad mistakes being a leader. I wouldn't want Kerry in office neither would I want Al Gore.
    "I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them."
    "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
    "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
    "I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California."

    http://s116.photobucket.com/albums/o...ent=GZFZes.jpg
    http://s116.photobucket.com/albums/o...ent=Unique.jpg


    Sorry for the long-winded response... I could go forever with these.
    Firefighter/EMT
    My words stated here do not necessarily point towards organizations which I am affiliated with.

  5. #5
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    Lightbulb Huh??............

    Quote Originally Posted by ullrichk View Post
    There is no gravity - the earth sucks.

    I thought that Darksuckers sucked.........
    Never use Force! Get a Bigger Hammer.
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    Chief Earle W. Woods, 1912 - 1997
    Asst. Chief John R. Woods Sr. 1937 - 2006

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    I Refuse to be a Spectator. If I come to the Game, I'm Playing.

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    I once heard this...and no, it wasn't said to me When I first heard it I thought it was hilarious.

    "I'm gonna kick your butt so bad you'll need a colonoscopy to find my foot!"

    Also...

    "If stupidity were a religion, you'd be it's god"

    "If your nose runs and your feet smell, it's a sign your upside-down" <-- read that one on a sign here in town. At a VA inspection station, of all places

    And one of my favorite movie quotes...

    "Hey Walter! I know you're in there old man! That scum barking rod of yours has just taken it's last dump on my lawn! I find one more, just one -- I'm gonna catch him and staple his hiney shut!" <-- from "The 'Burbs", an old Tom Hanks movie.
    Last edited by SapphyreBlues; 08-09-2007 at 11:26 PM.

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    ok the first two are meant as a joke...

    "I drank what?" Socrates

    "does anybody have some Nyquil?...I think I'm catching a cold" Jim Henson

    and proverbs

    "it take many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it"

    scottish proverbs

    "Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper”

    "They talk of my drinking but never my thirst”


    and the last quote
    Oscar Wilde:
    I can resist everything except temptation.

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    "The only reason there are firemen is so cops have someone to look up to."
    -Me

    "Inside every cop is a fireman screaming to get out."
    -Me

    "Cops are just people who couldn't cut it as firemen."
    -Me

    Yeah, a little bias towards firefighters but remember, I used to do both jobs. Just some good humor, don't get me wrong, I love cops. Just love giving them hell too.
    Jason Knecht
    Assistant Chief
    Altoona Fire Dept.
    Altoona, WI

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    EAT CHEESE OR DIE!!

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    Smile

    "Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

    "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car."

    "When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein
    Proudly serving as the IACOJ Minister of Information & Propoganda!
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    Wink

    "when a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge then to let her keep him".


    "you have 2 choices in life:you can stay single and miserable or get married and wish you were dead".

    "a woman is incomplete until she is married.then she is finished".


    a friend sent me these quotes,i think they are funny and great.
    "sauver ou périr"

    "courage et dévouement"

    2 french mottoes in french fire service.

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    US Navy: Haze Gray and Underway...

    US Coast Guard: Small, white, and home at night....

    SEMPER PARATUS!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ccfdblehman View Post

    "Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry."

    George Ade (1866 - 1944)
    Sadly, not true, i read a story on yahoo i think where a woman came in second in a cooking contest, where she was the only entry.
    Do a little dance, make a little rum, Italian Ice! Italian Ice!

    Actual lyric: Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, get down tonight.
    (KC & The Sunshine Band "Do A Little Dance")

    My thoughts are mine alone and do not represent the thoughts of any Organization to which I am affiliated.

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