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Thread: Favorite Jokes

  1. #21
    Forum Member ndvfdff33's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JHR1985 View Post
    I should beat you for posting this. I hope you never post another joke again here
    Don't worry, I'll do it for you. It was one of those jokes I found on another forum that is so stupid, it cracks you up. I couldn't help it.
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    Ryan


  2. #22
    Forum Member KEEPBACK200FEET's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JHR1985 View Post
    I should beat you for posting this. I hope you never post another joke again here
    Don't let him get you down Ryan, I found that to be the funniest joke I've heard in a long time...mainly because people around here talk just like that.

    Will
    Just know, I chose my own fate. I drove by the fork in the road and went straight.

    Quote Originally Posted by FlyingKiwi View Post
    Go put your pussy 2 1/2" lines away kiddies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Explorer343

    By the way KEEPBACK200FEET, you're so dramatic!

  3. #23
    Forum Member ndvfdff33's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KEEPBACK200FEET View Post
    Don't let him get you down Ryan, I found that to be the funniest joke I've heard in a long time...mainly because people around here talk just like that.

    Will

    I know Will. I read that and burst out laughing. My wife came over and was like what's so funny?? So I told her to read it again and then it finally clicked I think. She's like ohhhhhh, thats dumb.
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    Ryan

  4. #24
    Forum Member backsteprescue123's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ndvfdff33 View Post
    Will do. Here's one that I found kind of funny though. This is for you hockey fans.

    Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the
    children what their fathers did for a living.All the typical answers
    came up - fireman, policeman, salesman,etc. David was being
    uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

    "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his
    clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good,
    he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for
    money."

    The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
    other children to work on some colouring, and took little David aside
    to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
    "No," said David, "He plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs but I was too
    embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    As a Sabres fan that joke was awesome! I just broke out laughing here in class and my teacher is like WTH?
    ------------------------------------
    These opinions are mine and do not reflect the opinions of any organizations I am affiliated with.
    ------------------------------------

  5. #25
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    Back right after I'd gotten out of the Navy,I was working as a bouncer in my brother in laws bar down on Beale Street,and some guy wanted to come in on a night we were requiring ties.
    When told of the requirement,he left but came back with a pair of jumper cables tied in a four-in-hand knot.
    I told him"Okay,fella,you can come in.But DON'T try starting anything."

  6. #26
    Forum Member ndvfdff33's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RFRDxplorer View Post
    As a Sabres fan that joke was awesome! I just broke out laughing here in class and my teacher is like WTH?
    I know man. I love it nearly wet my pants the first time I ever read it. Leafs Suck.
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    Ryan

  7. #27
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    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by ndvfdff33 View Post
    Most of my jokes would probably get me banned for life. I kind of like this place so I think I'll avoid it.
    SISSY!!!!!!

  8. #28
    Forum Member ndvfdff33's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by davjohnson View Post
    SISSY!!!!!!
    And your jokes are where???
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    Ryan

  9. #29
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    Cool Here's a couple.....

    Here are a couple from my Nephew:

    Where do you find a dog with no legs?

    A: Right where you left 'em......


    What do you call a deaf dog?

    A: It don't matter they ain't comin' anyways.....
    "Be LOUD, Be PROUD..... It just might save your can someday when goin' through an intersection!!!!!"

    Life on the Truck (Quint) is good.....

    Eat til you're sleepy..... Sleep til you're hungry..... And repeat.....

  10. #30
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    Talking

    What do you call a deer with no eyes?

    No ideer

    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

    Still no ideer

    What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs or dick?

    Still no f&^king ideer....

    I could go on.....working on kids camps means I have dozens of these sorts of really really sad but clean jokes

  11. #31
    Forum Member edge1317's Avatar
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    What do you call a man with no legs or arms at your front door?

    Matt

    What do you call a man with no legs or arms in the water?

    Bob

  12. #32
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    What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the woods?
    Russell

    Guy with a shovel
    Doug

    Without a shovel
    Dougless

    Guy with a seagull on his head
    Cliff

    Woman with one leg
    Ilene

    Chinese woman with one leg
    Irene

    and finally
    A guy with 50 rabbits up his a$%e
    WARREN!!!

  13. #33
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    "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
    ...George W. Bush
    "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
    ...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95
    "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
    ...Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93
    "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
    ...Governor George W. Bush
    "I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
    ...Governor George W. Bush
    "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
    ...Governor George W. Bush
    "For NASA, space is still a high priority."
    ...Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93
    "Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
    ...Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95
    "Public speaking is very easy."
    ...Governor George W. Bush to reporters

    Back in the 2000 election, Al Gore was showing George W. his new body peircings which included nipple rings. Bush liked the idea so he went out and got himself a Dick Cheney.
    Firefighter/EMT
    My words stated here do not necessarily point towards organizations which I am affiliated with.

  14. #34
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    Red face

    Oooo ooo
    You forgot one of the best Bush quotes around

    "Most of our imports come from overseas!"

    Yep thanks for clearing that up for us dubya.......

  15. #35
    Forum Member Motorhead90's Avatar
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    1. A chinese man goes to the eye doctors

    Doc: "Do you have a cataract?"

    Man: "No, I have a Rincoln"

    2. Farmer's divorce:

    The farmer went into a lawyer's office and said, "I want one of them there dayvorces."

    The lawyer said, "Do you have grounds?"

    The farmer said, "Yes, I have 140 acres."

    The lawyer said, "No you don't understand. Do you have a case?"

    The farmer said, "No, I have a John Deere."

    The lawyer said, "You still don't understand. Do you have a grudge?"

    The farmer said, "Yes, that's what I park my John Deere under every night."

    The lawyer said, "You still don't understand. Do you have a suit?"

    The farmer said, "Yes, I wear it to church every Sunday."

    The lawyer said, "Does she beat you up?"

    The farmer said, "No, we both get up about 4:30 every morning."
    "The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up"-Steven Wright

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