Thread: Favorite Jokes

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    Wink Favorite Jokes

    Anybody have any favorite jokes? Can be about anything not just fire.....
    ~But with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26~

    ~The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans. ~

    ~Stay Safe! Everyone Goes Home!~

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    Default You might want to check here...

    "If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles."
    ********

    IACOJ

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    "Criticism is prejudice made plausible."
    - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)

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    Quote Originally Posted by WaterbryVTfire View Post
    Thanks I actually just finished reading most of those.....
    ~But with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26~

    ~The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans. ~

    ~Stay Safe! Everyone Goes Home!~

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    Most of my jokes would probably get me banned for life. I kind of like this place so I think I'll avoid it.
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    Ryan

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    Why did the probie cross the street?
    Just know, I chose my own fate. I drove by the fork in the road and went straight.

    Quote Originally Posted by FlyingKiwi View Post
    Go put your pussy 2 1/2" lines away kiddies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Explorer343

    By the way KEEPBACK200FEET, you're so dramatic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ndvfdff33 View Post
    Most of my jokes would probably get me banned for life. I kind of like this place so I think I'll avoid it.
    lol ok just keep them to ur self. I like this place too.
    ~But with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26~

    ~The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans. ~

    ~Stay Safe! Everyone Goes Home!~

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    Quote Originally Posted by KEEPBACK200FEET View Post
    Why did the probie cross the street?
    Umm idk lol....y?
    ~But with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26~

    ~The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans. ~

    ~Stay Safe! Everyone Goes Home!~

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    Quote Originally Posted by KEEPBACK200FEET View Post
    Why did the probie cross the street?

    The LT told him to check the air in the rig's spare tire.

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    Axe_Whacker_Super_JrFF1000- wot color r ur lit3z? Do3s yall thin jrs shool b abl ta l3v3 skool ta go on fyrs and car wr3x?
    (Self Explanatory.)




    http://www.americanangst.com/dingfries.html
    I work at Burger King
    Making flame broiled whoopers
    I wear paper hats.
    Would you like an apple pie with that?
    Would you like an apple pie with that?
    Ding! Fries are done.
    Ding! Fries are done.
    Ding! Fries are done.
    Ding! Fries are done.
    I gotta run.
    I gotta run.
    I gotta run.
    I gotta run.
    Don't bob for fries in hot.
    They hurt bad and so do skin grafts.
    Would you like an apple pie with that?
    Would you like an apple pie with that?
    Where is the bell?
    Wait for the bell.
    Can't hear the bell.
    Where is the bell?
    Ding! Fries are done.
    Ding! Fries are done.
    Ding! Fries are done.
    Ding! Fries are done.
    I work at Burger King
    Making flame broiled whoopers
    I wear paper hats.
    Would you like an apple pie with that?
    Would you like an apple pie with that?
    Ding! Fries are done.
    Ding! Fries are done.
    Ding! Fries are done.
    Ding! Fries are done.


    I have a right to make fun, because I really do work at Burger King making flame broiled whoopers. But we don't wear paper hats.
    Firefighter/EMT
    My words stated here do not necessarily point towards organizations which I am affiliated with.

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    Red face

    Quote Originally Posted by doughesson View Post
    The LT told him to check the air in the rig's spare tire.
    Once I say this you will be able to tell I am blonde in the heart....but I still don't get it lol
    ~But with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26~

    ~The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans. ~

    ~Stay Safe! Everyone Goes Home!~

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    Quote Originally Posted by Futureemt73193 View Post
    Once I say this you will be able to tell I am blonde in the heart....but I still don't get it lol
    Where is the spare tire located on YOUR rig?!
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    There isn't one is there? lol sorry I just joined as you can tell
    ~But with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26~

    ~The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans. ~

    ~Stay Safe! Everyone Goes Home!~

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    Quote Originally Posted by fireman4949 View Post
    Where is the spare tire located on YOUR rig?!
    Around the driver's waist.
    Just know, I chose my own fate. I drove by the fork in the road and went straight.

    Quote Originally Posted by FlyingKiwi View Post
    Go put your pussy 2 1/2" lines away kiddies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Explorer343

    By the way KEEPBACK200FEET, you're so dramatic!

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    Talking

    Oh I see sorry...I just got it explained....:-/
    ~But with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26~

    ~The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans. ~

    ~Stay Safe! Everyone Goes Home!~

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    Quote Originally Posted by Futureemt73193 View Post
    lol ok just keep them to ur self. I like this place too.
    Will do. Here's one that I found kind of funny though. This is for you hockey fans.

    Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the
    children what their fathers did for a living.All the typical answers
    came up - fireman, policeman, salesman,etc. David was being
    uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

    "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his
    clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good,
    he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for
    money."

    The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
    other children to work on some colouring, and took little David aside
    to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
    "No," said David, "He plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs but I was too
    embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Here's another:

    a piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer
    The bartender says "sorry buddy we don't serve string in this bar"
    The piece of string walks outside and rolls around in the dirt getting all scuffed up and twisted, then walks back into the bar and orders a beer again
    Bartender says "Hey aren't you that piece of string that was just in here?"
    String replies "Nope Frayed Knot"
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    Ryan

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    here is one that stumped my rookie class

    what in water puts out fire??



    A fireboat (haha yeah dont you love these bad jokes)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Futureemt73193 View Post
    There isn't one is there? lol sorry I just joined as you can tell
    Sorry I was way out of it last night.....(blonde in the heart and mind as a matter of fact :-D)
    ~But with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26~

    ~The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans. ~

    ~Stay Safe! Everyone Goes Home!~

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    Quote Originally Posted by Futureemt73193 View Post
    Sorry I was way out of it last night.....(blonde in the heart and mind as a matter of fact :-D)

    Now you can see why it's a good prank.
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    Quote Originally Posted by fireman4949 View Post
    Now you can see why it's a good prank.
    Definetly.....(not sure if that is spelled right) I actually have never heard a spare tire be used like that....in that term...until I had it explained!
    ~But with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26~

    ~The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans. ~

    ~Stay Safe! Everyone Goes Home!~

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    a piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer
    The bartender says "sorry buddy we don't serve string in this bar"
    The piece of string walks outside and rolls around in the dirt getting all scuffed up and twisted, then walks back into the bar and orders a beer again
    Bartender says "Hey aren't you that piece of string that was just in here?"
    String replies "Nope Frayed Knot"

    I should beat you for posting this. I hope you never post another joke again here

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    Quote Originally Posted by JHR1985 View Post
    I should beat you for posting this. I hope you never post another joke again here
    Don't worry, I'll do it for you. It was one of those jokes I found on another forum that is so stupid, it cracks you up. I couldn't help it.
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    Ryan

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    Quote Originally Posted by JHR1985 View Post
    I should beat you for posting this. I hope you never post another joke again here
    Don't let him get you down Ryan, I found that to be the funniest joke I've heard in a long time...mainly because people around here talk just like that.

    Will
    Just know, I chose my own fate. I drove by the fork in the road and went straight.

    Quote Originally Posted by FlyingKiwi View Post
    Go put your pussy 2 1/2" lines away kiddies.

    Quote Originally Posted by Explorer343

    By the way KEEPBACK200FEET, you're so dramatic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by KEEPBACK200FEET View Post
    Don't let him get you down Ryan, I found that to be the funniest joke I've heard in a long time...mainly because people around here talk just like that.

    Will

    I know Will. I read that and burst out laughing. My wife came over and was like what's so funny?? So I told her to read it again and then it finally clicked I think. She's like ohhhhhh, thats dumb.
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    Ryan

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    Quote Originally Posted by ndvfdff33 View Post
    Will do. Here's one that I found kind of funny though. This is for you hockey fans.

    Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the
    children what their fathers did for a living.All the typical answers
    came up - fireman, policeman, salesman,etc. David was being
    uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

    "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his
    clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good,
    he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for
    money."

    The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
    other children to work on some colouring, and took little David aside
    to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
    "No," said David, "He plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs but I was too
    embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    As a Sabres fan that joke was awesome! I just broke out laughing here in class and my teacher is like WTH?
    ------------------------------------
    These opinions are mine and do not reflect the opinions of any organizations I am affiliated with.
    ------------------------------------

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    Back right after I'd gotten out of the Navy,I was working as a bouncer in my brother in laws bar down on Beale Street,and some guy wanted to come in on a night we were requiring ties.
    When told of the requirement,he left but came back with a pair of jumper cables tied in a four-in-hand knot.
    I told him"Okay,fella,you can come in.But DON'T try starting anything."

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