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    ...with the sounds of shaving cream in the background, nobody notices the stranger who steps in backstage.. Suddenly the spot light shifts to this strange being, which is now apparantly a walking sea urchin. The urchin grabs the microphone from the starfish and states.."I like cheetos..."
    I fish for a living, but I have to work for money...

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    and the starfish has a hissy and throws fig newtons at the urchin, screaming....."......"

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    and the starfish has a hissy and throws fig newtons at the urchin, screaming....."

    pudding? How can you have any pudding when you haven't eaten your...
    "Professional" means your attitude to the job...

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    Quote Originally Posted by volfirie View Post
    and the starfish has a hissy and throws fig newtons at the urchin, screaming....."

    pudding? How can you have any pudding when you haven't eaten your...
    ...human intestines soaked in soy sauce...

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    As all of this was happening on stage, something more sinister was taking place. Just out of range of the U.S. satellites, the Interstellar Global Bovine Liberation Force was preparing for a raid on Planet Earth with the sole purpose of destroying the evil men that had held their outpost colony of cows as hostages since they were placed on the planet thousands of years before. For years, their kind had been abused, and mistreated... But not anymore... NOT ANYMORE!!! The IGBLF had arrived!!
    I fish for a living, but I have to work for money...

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    ...and Miss Kitty, calling on one of her lives, gets into camo and arms up. "I'm a carnivore and they're taking my steak over my dead body". Whistling a battle hymn, she starts a weapons check.........

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    The IGBLF commanders were going over their plan. It had to work flawlessly. The first stage would be to infiltrate the Earthbound herds and supply weapons to their kindred, thereby increasing the size of their force to almost nearly double its already massive count. The second stage would be a silent attack on the supplies of milk. A non-toxic sleeping virus would be transmitted into the milk supplies of the Earth, causing all who drink it to fall helplessly into a coma-like siesta, thereby rendering all affected by the virus harmless. The third phase of the plan is to systematically destroy each and every square inch of barbed-wire fence, just for the symbolism involved, and for no other reason. And the final phase of the plan, take over the humans power stations while engaging any hostile forces with hoof to horn contact if necessary. During this final battle, the end goal would be to garner control of the Government that controls all Bovine on Earth, the Canadians, as it is believed that the Canadians are the true rulers of the Earth as we know it...
    I fish for a living, but I have to work for money...

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    All of the flight decks of the IGBLF mothership were being made ready for the invasion. There was a bustle of activity among all landing crews. Preparations were being made for the long, bloody battle that they all anticipated.. The vials of sleeping virus were stored in bottles, and all crew suited up in their armored blankets.

    Somewhere, in an obscure corner of Earth, on an uncharted island just off the coast of Antartica, an elite team of Earth's best defenders has picked up an unusual signature of an unknown spacecraft. It was almost missed, but the tale-tell sign of methane gas that was solidifying on the outside of the ship gave it away. It had to be the Cows.. It had been thousands of years since they had last tried to take over Earth, and surely they had returned once again to complete the tasks.. What should they do?

    A recon team was quickly formed, and launched to inspect the spacecraft. The recon team confirmed the Earth defenders' worst fears. Cows... Millions of them, now positioned behind Earth's moon, and preparing for War. The warning had to go out.

    It had been centuries since the last time humans and animals had teamed up to fight off this old nemisiss... Could they do it again? They must. The Elite Defenders couldn't contain the Cows by themselves.. The alert must go out, and NOW. It was time for the Penguins and Humans to set aside their differences, and work together. After all, Penguins have protected the Humans for eons. It was their sworn duty to the Galactic Counsel since the beginning of Earth time. But this threat was greater than ever before. The Penguins had to call for more help before engaging the simple minded humans with direct contact. A quick telecom communication on a subaudible Earth network went out..... "Turkeys Respond, Code 4, Emminent Threat, Global Destruction Possible.." It was the Penguins only chance of getting a united force to join with the humans.. Every since Ben Franklin, the Turkeys were the only way to communicate with the humans....
    I fish for a living, but I have to work for money...

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    ...waking from sleep in his tree, The Squirrel thought he heard something. Sticking his head out of the hole, his little ears turning this way and that, he zeroed in on the subsonic waves and.............

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    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    ...waking from sleep in his tree, The Squirrel thought he heard something. Sticking his head out of the hole, his little ears turning this way and that, he zeroed in on the subsonic waves and.............
    ...that's when he was decapitated by a chain saw and that was the end of the squirrel, but then...

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    but then,
    Miss Kitty, who had just bagged her squirrel breakfast, also picked up the subaudible message.. Alas, she wouldn't be alone in her fight to preserve her favorite meal! But that also meant she had to convence the Penguins and Turkeys that she was on their side.. Would they beleive that? Cats and Birds haven't had the best working relationship in the past. She thought it would at least be worth a try.
    As she stealthly made her way through the forrest back to her secret den, she was especially alert. She was looking for signs of a meeting of the local Turkey populations. Stop! Wait! Yes.... That was.. Gobbling, to the West.. Slowly she crept towards the muffled sounds. Peering over a low ridge while being hidden by a fallen pine log, she could see the meeting taking place. The Turkeys were discussing the information.... "What we need is a liasion to approach the humans. Somebody needs to inform them of what the Cows have planned. gobble, gobble, It cannot be good for our planet if the Cows take dominace over the land. The humans have lived in a fairy tale world of their own self importance, and will reject any approach that isn't direct, to the point, and loaded with some sort of evidence that proves we are in serious danger." With his best strutting, the Turkey commander was trying to talk himself and his flock into the fury he knew they needed to confront the Humans. His eyes sparkled with memories of past battles... This old General longed for the days of his youth, when he would charge spurs first into battle.. In the midst of his speach, a reflection in the woods caught his keen eye.. "Who goes there???!! Show yourself, or face the flogging squad!!"

    Miss Kitty knew she had been spotted, and her combat training told her she was outnumbered. Her mind raced at what she should do, all the while scolding herself for not paying more attention in her Cat Sniper classes.. She slowly raised her head, and lowered her tail into the submittal posture. She stepped out from behind her hiding place and walked towards the flock.
    "General, sir, I do not mean to interrupt your speech. I overheard the subaudible warning, and followed the sounds to your meeting." The General, now very suspicious because of the Cats seductive voice, demanded "What is your purpose for spying on us, Turkeys, surround this prisoner! Again, CAT, What is your purpose!?!" Miss Kitty thought long before speaking.. "General, I have seen the Cows from my den. I've spotted their ship on my telescope several nights ago, and I've been trying to decide what I can do to preserve myself and my lifestyle." Miss Kitty continued, "I know ways to talk to the humans, and would be willing to try to communicate with them, but I do not know how to do it by myself. I admit, I am a carnivor, but I am not a bird eater.. Please give me a chance to prove myself. I am a warrior, true, but I have no army to serve. General, Please let me try."
    After hearing all this, the General was very unimpressed.. "Miss Kitty, how can we trust your kind? You say you want to help, but what garantee do we have that your instincts will not cause you to turn on us? Mrs. Kitty, we may be bird brains, but we aren't stupid."

    Miss Kitty replied,
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    "Die General!" and Kitty pulled out her knife and cut off the general's neck. The turkeys then attacked her and....

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    and..

    all hope seemed lost. It looked like the Cows would find no resistance in their quest to destroy Earth.
    Meanwhile, the Cows decided to do a quick scan of the Primary landing zone for their first wave of Bovine Commando Forces, or MOOS, which stands for Military Operations Outside of Stalls. The poor operator at the controls of the Terra Scanner didn't know what to make of the sounds, for unbeknownst to him, he had zeroed in on the incessant crys of a sea urchin standing on a stage. Within a milisecond the lowly Private's Cow brain had melted into a stew of mush. His limp body fell to the floor at the base of the panel. His surrounding mates stammered over to assist him, but they too became victims of the sounds that were now being transmitted through the Cow's ship's intercom. It was a cruel act of fate, for the falling Private's tail had inadvertently brushed across the transfer switch as he dropped to his doom causing the Terra Scanner's reception to be put on the ships main information circuit. Cows were dropping all over the ship. More than ninety percent had succombed to this horrible death before a few Cows had managed to switch off the scanner. The few fortunate deck hands that had ear protection on at the flight deck, but now, what would they do??? How did this massacre happen??? They would never find out exactly what that brain mushing sound was.
    Somewhere, off the coast of South America, in the Straits of Magellan, on an uncharted isle, a sea urchin shakes a flipper of a Penguin...

    But then...
    Last edited by rhvfd1214; 03-22-2008 at 12:22 AM.
    I fish for a living, but I have to work for money...

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    ...some of the surviving members of the bovine crew managed to bail out of the now-stricken craft, parachuting down safely (or so they believed) to the Earth's surface. Seeking the opportunity to anhialate as many humans as possible, they were overjoyed to find a large gathering of the offensive bipeds just below them....they were gathered together by the thousands, some sort of ritualistic gathering was in progress, perhaps a sporting event of some kind....steering their 'chutes toward the teeming crowd, they alit in the very throngs of the enemy. Unfortunately, these humans never missed an opportunity to use the cows for their own nefarious and greedy purposes...the whole event was filmed live and later, with clever editing and use of computer generated imagery, was made into a Chick-Fil-A commercial.....

    Meanwhile, off the coast of South America.....
    Last edited by dmleblanc; 03-22-2008 at 02:34 PM.
    Chief Dwayne LeBlanc
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    "I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream and I hope you don't find this too crazy is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, 'Whatever you do, don't call the fire department!' That would be bad."
    C.D. Bales, "Roxanne"

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    ... the sea urchin and the penguin were setting up with their buddies to have the biggest beach part bash that was ever seen in those southern parts, to celebrate....
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

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    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

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    to celebrate a perceived victory against the cows.

    While, on a nearby ship, in the medical galley, Miss Kitty awakes. Struggling in her bandages, she spies a....a Penguin... "What happened, and What the He77 are you doing with me??" she demanded.. A penguin, dressed in medical scrubbs walks over to her, and addresses her, "Miss Kitty, we found you in the woods. You have been to battle with an entire flock of Turkey drones. You destroyed all of the flock, but were overwhelmed by your injuries. We have brought you aboard our ship by order of our Captain." Suddenly, a Penguin walks into the sick bay wearing a Captain's hat. The nurse penguin snaps to attention, and salutes, to which the Captain replies "At ease, nurse." Turning to Miss Kitty he replies, "I've never seen a cat that could take out a whole flock of mechanical Turkey drones. Miss Kitty, it's been a long time. How are you doing?" Her ears couldn't believe what she heard.. "Benard? Is that you? Thank God!" The relief in her voice was evident. In her eyes was the sparkle of the recognition of a friend that hasn't been seen for years. "Bernard, it's been a long time," she replied. "Yes, Miss Kitty, it has been a long time. It's good to see you again!" Bernard replied, with a much softer tone to his authoritive voice. "I've missed you Miss Kitty" he said, his eyes gleaming with the memories of years gone by. Long and lonely years spent wondering and worrying about this one time companion of his. The years were full of accomplishments, but finding Miss Kitty was now the highlight of his life, for once they were lovers. Battles had pulled them apart, but now fate had brought them together again.

    "Captain," said the first mate, "We've got a new problem!" With that, Captain Benard turned toward the door, "Miss Kitty, rest now, I'll come back to see you in a little while." She nodded in agreement, too tired to continue speaking. "Now, mate, what is the problem that causes you to interrupt me?" demanded the Captain..

    "Captain," he said, "It's the Cows, they are regrouping, and we fear they have more allies than we had anticipated! This appears to be only the beginning, Captain.."
    Last edited by rhvfd1214; 03-25-2008 at 09:53 AM.
    I fish for a living, but I have to work for money...

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    Ms. Kitty lies there in sickbay thinking...."if only I could get word to the other felines; I know they don't know what's going on and they won't help unless the message comes in person from one of us. I've got to get a transport and get to base". Struggling up from the rack, pulling off the sling as she went, she headed for the door. The nurse tried to stop her but Ms. Kitty politely hissed at her to back away, that she was going to talk to the captain.

    The penguin nurse had enough sense to back away and Ms. Kitty headed for the bridge where her old friend was in deep conversation with the 1st mate. Not caring that she was interrupting, Ms. Kitty demanded a transport. When Bernard refused, saying she was too injured to go, she said "you know I'll get the transport with or without your help so you might as well give me one of those high-velocity skidoos I know you have around here somewhere". Knowing from past experience that, once her mind was set, there was almost no changing it, the captain said......"

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    ...the captain said, with a shrug of his shoulders, "I know better than to think that I can stop you, Miss Kitty....You know, as do I, what you have to do." Miss Kitty paused and gave Bernard a gentle kiss on the cheek as she turned to go. "Au revoir, Miss Kitty...." whispered Bernard as she hurried from the bridge.

    The transport was provided as per the Captain's orders, and soon Miss Kitty was racing northward on the cold Antarctic sea. She noted with apprehension the penguin attack fleet, now boarding the landing crafts, armed to the teeth or beaks or whatever it might be that penguins are armed to. They waddled grimly, if such a thing is possible, up the gangways of the assault boats. Miss Kitty burrowed deeper into the warm fur lining of her custom leather flight jacket, a special gift from the captain himself, chuckling softly to herself at the subtle irony of going forth to battle cows in a leather jacket. In a short time she was nearing the coast of Argentina. Then, gradually on the horizon, there appeared......
    Chief Dwayne LeBlanc
    Paincourtville Volunteer Fire Department
    Paincourtville, LA

    "I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream and I hope you don't find this too crazy is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, 'Whatever you do, don't call the fire department!' That would be bad."
    C.D. Bales, "Roxanne"

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    there appeared a Feline vessel. Miss Kitty's instincts had led her back to her command.

    Meanwhile, aboard the Cow's mothership, the cows were reorganizing. The entire Cow command was adjusted to account for the cows lost to the evil urchin singing noise. A new attack strategy was being formulated among the surviving cowmanders. Suddenly a new report surfaced among the recon team. Their mechanical turkey command drones were non responsive. The entire landing flock had lost contact with the Cow controllers at about the same time the error with the urchin had occurred. Frantically, they tried to establish contact, but to no avail. Somehow, somebody had discovered the drones. Surely by now the humans knew about their impending attack... Now it was go time. They had to scramble their attack squads before the humans had time to prepare. Some of the Cows had attempted suicide by jumping to their doom from some of the attack ships, only to be captured by the humans, but there were still several thousand attack ships waiting for the word to attack.
    The Cows sent a message to earth via their established Chick-Fil-A network. "Cows of Earth, Charge your human Captors, Trample your Masters, and Flatten the Fences... We are comming, and we bring VENGENCE with us.. Now, for years, the cows of Earth had grown accustomed to the humans providing for their well being, and all they had to do in return was ride a truck to glory. Upon hearing this charge, they were overun with confusion. The Earth raised cows didn't know where they were hearing these instructions, so they ignored them, like good Earth cows would do, and continued grazing in their pastures, and eating of the food the humans had provided. However, the Chickens of Earth, tired from years of being described as dumb animals, also heard the message. This was their chance to break free from their image of being a lower life form. The Chicken Alliance was formed quickly, and a message was scrambled and sent to the Cow's Mothership. In the message, the Chickens pledged:
    I fish for a living, but I have to work for money...

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    Quote Originally Posted by rhvfd1214 View Post
    In the message, the Chickens pledged:
    ".............NO MORE PECKERS AND LIPS!............um....er.....uh oh..........we mean NO MORE MORE WHERE'S THE BEEF?"

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    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    ".............NO MORE PECKERS AND LIPS!............um....er.....uh oh..........we mean NO MORE MORE WHERE'S THE BEEF?"
    EERRRR.... UUUMMM.... AAAAHHH... YYYYAAAA...... Meanwhile back at the ranch, relations of Miss Kitty were in the ballroom. There was much flowing of GOOD spirits (and other things) and everyone was trying to be Mary, but then they all jumped for Joy when the newcomer entered.......
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

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    The newcomer had arrived under a tremendous security detail. Without stopping for a drink, the leader of this detail went straight to Miss Kitty. "Benard!" She exclaimed with great delight, as it was obvious the liquid spirits had eased the pains from her wounds. "Miss Kitty, I don't have much time," Benard offered. "We have to prepare for the new threats from the Cows.. Our recon team that has been monitoring the Cow's mothership has picked up a new response to the Cows. It seems that a rogue band of Chickens have pledged some sort of alliance to the Cow Command in return for the end of the Chicken Bashing that the Earth Cows have been doing for years. Together they will band together and destroy the Human food network, causing global destruction and hunger." Benard's concerned eyes drilled into Miss Kitty's heart. He was such a strong leader, for a Penguin, and his concern for the Human's well being was to be admired. Miss Kitty, still relishing her return, now dancing with Benard as they talked, purred beside him. She had missed his strong presence, and affirmative demeanor. She truely loved him, and would follow him through He77 and high water to spend more time with him. Her eyes were glossy as she remembered the first time they met...
    It had been almost ten years ago, when she was just a kitten in the Feline Infantry. She was deployed to an island just off of the Chinese mainland where an operation was underway to kill a minor Rat infestation. Her platoon had been pinned down and called for backup. From out of nowhere, this mild mannered Penguin, popped up on shore and waddled aimlessly towards the Rat's bunker. The Rat commander dismissed the Penguin because of it's unweildy appearance. That is when the penguin, with the quickness of a Japanese Ninja, jumped into the Rat bunker and sliced the rats into millions of pieces with a sword that had been hidden behind his back. In the matter of seconds, he had singlehandedly killed over ten rats, and eliminated the threat. The cats of Miss Kitty's platoon were impressed, to say the least. Miss Kitty, especially. That evening, they shared a mug of beer and celebrated the accomplishment of the mission. Miss Kitty was young and impressionable, and she tried to make advancement upon this Penguin. Benard was a gentleman and refused to take advantage of her, thereby earning her respect and loyalty for years to come. Throughout the next two years, their respective services would aid each other on countless missions, and while Miss Kitty slowly began to develope into the Ultimate Warrior that she is, Benard was always at her side to bail her out of trouble. He proved himself to her several times, and somehow, stole her heart and affection along the way. They were destined to belong to each other, no matter how unusual the pairing was..
    "Miss Kitty? I've got to return to my ship.." Benard's voice was calm and comforting, but the words were like a dagger to her heart. "We've got to discuss the tactical preparations that must be made to combat the Cows offensive. Please, rest for a while, and I will see you soon." Miss Kitty didn't want to let Benard go, but she understood what was at stake. Her heart pounded with the excitement of a new mission, and being able to work beside Benard. "Benard," she said, "I want to come with you.." He stopped her in mid-sentence. "Miss Kitty, you have the true passion of a hero, but you must be at 100% before we face the cows." His words didn't make sense to her, but she knew that he was covering for her true feelings. He didn't want her to embarrass herself, right here, at the party to celebrate her return to her company. "Miss Kitty," he assured her, "I will see You soon." And, with a wink of his eye, he let his hold on her paw loosen, and returned to his crew, then back to the ship. She longed to go with him, but for now, she understood that she must wait. Soon they would be reunited in battle, much sooner than either one knew...

    The Chickens had begun preparations for the merge to the Cow's command. Under a undisclosed hen house on the outskirts of a North Dakota town, a group of chickens were having a meeting. They had received a coded message from the chicken high command... The message was dire, but full of hope. They all gathered as it was read aloud over the public address.. "Chickens, We Face a time of Change! A new beginning has presented itself. We are on the verge of a changing world.." The message began...
    Last edited by rhvfd1214; 03-30-2008 at 11:36 AM.
    I fish for a living, but I have to work for money...

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    Has anyone seen that squirrel....

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    Ah yes - that poor squirrel! He moved house, went to live in the good, clean air of the country. Beautiful scenary, plenty of food, and red-mist hunters... Oops! When the local volunteer EMS arrived on-scene, they found...
    "Professional" means your attitude to the job...

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    a squirrel. We must contact Miss Kitty. Tell her...

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