Key Takeaways
- Members of the fire service have a duty to themselves and to their family to recognize that their mental health must be their first priority.
- Ibogaine therapy is a treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder that’s been used by Navy SEALs to assist in their mental health journey.
- It’s vital that members of the fire service talk about the traumas that they endured.
With a new year comes new chapters, exciting goals and reimagined possibilities for one’s life. My challenge for you this year is to actually do something toward all three of those objectives.
Many of you know that one of my passions is “living my message.” So, for me, this year will be full of new opportunities, authoring more books, expanding my speaking tour that I’ve done for the past 13 years and, most importantly, putting my family back as No. 1 in my life.
Retirement
I’m writing this column five days after I gave my retirement notice to the department that I love, which will take place on April 24, 2026, with 21 years of service. That also is the anniversary of the day that legendary Charleston, SC, Fire Department Fire Chief Tom Carr unfortunately died from a severe form of Parkinson’s disease. I feel honored to retire on this day out of respect for him and what he did to change our department after we lost nine firefighters on June 18, 2007.
To be clear: This isn’t disability retirement. This is service retirement with other time that will total 25 years, 4 months and 15 days.
For many of you, word of this might be a shock, but it has tossed around in my head for years.
Constant feeling of dread
I stand for values, morals, principles and high standards: I always have and I always will. I went to a military college, The Citadel, that immersed that belief in its students. When anything that I’m a part of comes into conflict with this, I do the best that I can to help to change it. When it isn’t changed or improved in a timely manner, I can’t live with myself if I don’t decide to move on.
I’ve been part of one of the worst line-of-duty deaths in fire service history, so when my gut tells me something, I listen. Why? Because my brain sees and processes decisions, expectations and pace of work much differently than most people. That isn’t conceit. It’s a true statement that’s based on the science of what folks with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) experience.
For the past 21 years, I have given everything in my body and mind to the department that I love. I lost so much time with my mother, father, brother, wife and my friends. I am making a monumental change in my life to get rid of the constant feeling of dread that I have.
I believe that my mind made the decision a long time ago, but I kept immersing myself in work to just numb the dread. It’s the exact feeling that I have as I write this article, knowing that I must go to work tomorrow. That isn’t a negative statement about my organization or the people. It’s just a fact that I’ve been dealing with for too long now.
I’m 45 years old, and I’ve experienced more traumas than I would ever like to talk about. These traumas began when I was very young, and more traumas occurred throughout my life up to my current age. One’s brain can handle only so much.
One life
The past few days I’ve taken a hard look at myself and my life to determine how I could get to the point that I am today. Well, nine LODDs, four suicides, and more than 30 caskets carried and flags folded can do that to a person. Couple that with other life traumas and it compounds everything.
Even with all of these traumas, I’ve been blessed to have opportunities to discuss them with people from around the world. This is where I feel the most purposeful. When I look into the crowd and see a young man or woman on the verge of tears because of the realness of what I’m discussing regarding mental health, leadership and LODDs, it lets me know that’s where I’m supposed to be to make the biggest difference in the lives of others.
Conversely, when I’m in my office doing administrative work, I feel like I’m dying inside, like I’m a caged animal begging to go outside and be unleashed. Many of you might have experienced this feeling but might be afraid to make a change. I get it. However, you only have one life. A quote from “The Shawshank Redemption” sums it up best for me: “Get busy living or get busy dying.” I choose to get busy living.
Mental health & purpose
These past five days after I announced my retirement to my department have been the best five days that my wife and I have had in years. The same goes for my parents. They visited our home for Thanksgiving, and it was the first holiday in 18 years that I gave them my full attention. It was so beautiful to see them again. I wasn’t thinking about emails, work, texts, social media, blah, blah, blah. I was thinking about my family and how much I’ve missed them these past 21 years. I know they’ve missed me, too.
I can’t take back the strain that I’ve placed on everyone who I love, but what I can do going forward is dig deeper into my mental health and do what makes me feel purposeful on a permanent basis. That’s speaking and writing about leadership, mental health, LODDs and so many other topics that I could list.
Be real
As I make plans for this next chapter, I will continue to work hard for the department that I love until my retirement date. On the last day, after I’m driven home on the rig, which is part of our culture, I immediately will board a plane and go to a seven-day mental health program that utilizes a new form of treatment called ibogaine therapy for PTSD. I learned of this treatment while watching a documentary on Navy SEALs who utilized it to assist in their mental health journey. I contacted Navy SEAL Marcus Capone’s organization, vetsolutions.org, and the staff sent me resources for this specific therapy. Once I contacted the medical facility, the staff responded within hours with a personal message.
The staff actually did research on who I am and what I’ve experienced before they responded. I’ve been shouldering weight that’s indescribable for more than 18 years, and the doctor’s message brought me to tears. I have night terrors, lucid dreams, flashbacks, hypervigilance, high levels of guilt, anxiety and trust issues, and I genuinely hate myself for what happened on June 18, 2007. I know that’s a heavy word to use—“hate”—but all I can do is be real, as I always am. There is no hiding in me.
Stand for something
I’m so excited about this next chapter of life for more purpose. As country singer Aaron Tippin says, “You’ve got to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything. You’ve got to be your own man, not a puppet on a string. Never compromise what’s right and uphold your family name. You’ve got to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything.” I choose to stand for something. I choose to get busy living. I look forward to sharing this journey with all of you.
About the Author
Dr. David Griffin
Dr. David Griffin is the assistant chief of administration in Charleston, SC, and is a Firehouse Contributing Editor He was the operator of the first-due engine on June 18, 2007, when nine of his fellow firefighters perished. Griffin has come through the ranks in operations in every uniformed position, from firefighter to battalion chief and shift commander to his current position, during his 20-year career in Charleston. He has a bachelor's degree in education from The Citadel, a master's degree in executive fire service leadership, and a doctorate of education in organizational leadership and development. Griffin is the author of "In Honor of The Charleston 9: A Study of Change Following Tragedy," among three other books. He is an international speaker and instructor, a certified Chief Fire Officer and Chief Training Officer with The Center for Public Safety Excellence, an IFSAC/Pro Board-certified Fire Officer IV and a graduate of the Executive Fire Officer Program from the National Fire Academy. He is a graduate of Harvard University's Kennedy School of Executive Education program: Senior Executives in State and Local Government and of the Psychology of Leadership program at Cornell University's SC Johnson College of Business. Griffin is the owner of On A Mission, LLC, at drdavidgriffin.com.