Editor's note: A veteran EMS responder and educator from Pennsylvania wrote this open letter with Firehouse to share his anxiety while offering hope and support during the COVID-19 pandemic. Find all of Firehouse's COVID-19 coverage here.
When this all started, I wouldn’t say I was in denial, but perhaps I downplayed it a bit to myself.
Weeks continued to go on and I finally realized that I was ready and strong enough and finally figured out what I was feeling.
I am anxious! I am mentally exhausted! Each shift I am ungodly anxious as I await the next patient to take care of. I have no doubt that many healthcare and emergency services workers feel the same.
See, we have all become a victim of this current pandemic in our own way. Sadly, and unfortunately, thousands and thousands have lost their lives and thousands and thousands more will continue to perish because of this. This has altered our living, our lifestyles, our family structures, financial statuses, and so much more.
Each day when the “bells” go off my heart rate immediately increases. In my mind, I ask myself, is this the call where I will acquire this disease? Is this the call that, coupled with my asthma, will kill me? It makes me anxious. My fellow emergency workers and I encounter complete strangers in their homes. We have no idea where they’ve been, who they’ve been around, and who that person has been around.
But guess what, they need us in their time of medical emergency, so therefore, we must go. I have and will continue to treat these people as I always have; with compassion and respect as my heart beats 120 times a minute along with theirs.
For my colleagues out there, we must admit that for lots of our patients we’re a bit out of sorts and lost. I have no problem standing up and saying I am. Do I sit next to them? Do I put a mask on them? Can I touch them to do these procedures? Will they cough on me? The job goes on, but in a much more responsible way.
Today, I had a patient that made me highly suspicious of having COVID-19. My partner and I took the appropriate precautions for ourselves along with the patient. He was legitimately sick, and for the duration of the transport, continuously apologized for “calling during this time.” I explained to him to never feel that way and that he truly had an emergency. His arm sat across my lap like I do for most other patients while I take their MANUAL blood pressure and start an IV. Was I anxious? HELL YES!
Less than an hour later, the very next call, going lights and sirens to this person’s aid for abdominal pain, guess what, I was anxious. She apologized through her tears and screaming in pain, for calling during this time. And again, I say, you are sick, and I’m glad I can help you. In my opinion, COVID-19 doesn’t stop us from giving this lady pain medication and Zofran for her ruptured appendix that later sent her to the operating room. We keep doing what we do!
EMS is as “front lines” as it gets, folks, and it’s no joke! My EMT, paramedic, nurse, physician, police, and firefighter colleagues need all the good thoughts they can get. This is mentally and physically whooping our asses but, anxious or not, we will be back to work tomorrow.
However, please know that we are all feeling it. Feeling “it” a lot. Some still don’t even know what “it” is. But for me, “it” is anxiety and mental exhaustion. I’m proud of my profession and my colleagues and we will continue to drive on through this.
Be safe and be well.
Scott Henley
