The Favor Strategy: Reframing How to Help Firefighters in Emotional or Mental Distress

After running into a firefighter who I knew had been part of a string of bad calls and who also had some issues at home, I asked, “Hey, how are you doing? Is there anything you need?” He gave me a half smile and said, “I don’t know.” In that moment, I realized that, even when we try to help, asking someone who is struggling what they need often leads to silence, confusion or withdrawal.

When a person is dealing with behavioral health challenges, the weight of decision-making becomes heavy, and the request to articulate needs can feel like one more impossible task. In the world of public safety, where culture leans on service, toughness and control, this disconnect is magnified.

What if we framed help differently? What if instead of offering assistance, we asked the person to do something small for us? That shift in focus can kindle connection, restore a sense of agency and reawaken meaning.

The Favor Strategy is a tool for bridging disconnection before more formal help is required.

Understanding barriers to ‘What do you need?’

Behavioral health issues often bring fatigue, concentration difficulties and impaired executive functioning. Asking “What do you need?” can place another burden unintentionally on someone who already is exhausted. Even a simple question can feel overwhelming to someone who already is drowning emotionally or mentally.

It’s no revelation to point out that behavioral health concerns are widespread in public safety. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, estimates suggest that 30 percent of first responders develop behavioral health conditions, such as depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), compared with about 20 percent of the general population. As reported by Andreas Hoell in “Work-Related Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Paramedics in Comparison to Data from the General Population of Working Age: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis” (Public Health, March 2023), meta analyses of EMS personnel found pooled prevalence rates of 15 percent for depression and anxiety and 11 percent for PTSD. In firefighters, more than half might be at risk for PTSD, depression, anxiety or alcohol use disorder, multiple studies indicate. These statistics highlight the reality that many of our colleagues work under continuous, and sometimes hidden, strain.

Public safety culture adds another layer. Admitting to struggle might feel like weakness. When we ask, “What do you need?” we might trigger shame or self-judgment inadvertently, thereby reinforcing the idea that such people have failed in their role. That question can become a test: If they can’t answer, they might feel judged or exposed. Worse, they might withdraw, not because they don’t need help but because the question is too abstract or threatening to engage with.

Psychology behind The Favor Strategy

Humans are deeply attuned to reciprocity. The norm of reciprocity suggests that when someone performs a favor for us, we feel motivated internally to return the favor. According to Peter S. Riefer, et al, in “Coherency-Maximizing Exploration in the Supermarket” (Nature Human Behaviour, January 2017), this isn’t mere transaction. It’s a foundational social mechanism that supports trust and cohesion. Linked to this idea is “The Benjamin Franklin Effect.” As reported by Darren Matthews in “The Benjamin Franklin Effect: The Unexpected Power of Asking for a Favour), the phenomenon can be described as an instance in which someone tends to feel more connected and loyal to another person after doing that person a favor. A small, genuine ask can shift someone from passive recipient to engaged participant.

For someone who’s struggling with behavioral health, restoring agency is vital. Doing something small for someone else can interrupt the sense of helplessness. It signals, “You have value. You still matter.” This strategy can be powerful in responder culture in particular, where identity is built on being useful, competent and part of a team.

A necessary caveat: The Favor Strategy isn’t about indebting someone to us. The Benjamin Franklin Effect has been leveraged historically by politicians and fundraisers precisely because it can deepen commitment and loyalty. However, in this context, the goal isn’t to manipulate or to bind someone to us. Our goal is reconnection, not control. A manipulative version of this strategy would exploit vulnerability to create obligation. A healthy version offers a meaningful, gentle invitation that the person might accept or decline without guilt. Gratitude is expressed regardless. The favor is a bridge, not a chain.

Social exchange theory also applies here. In “Exchange and Power in Social Life” (Wiley, 1986), Peter Blau intimates that relationships often function via cost-benefit heuristics: People give when perceived rewards outweigh costs. A carefully calibrated favor offers minimal cost but significant symbolic gain via participation, voice and contribution. Research on how people respond to requests for help shows that when a request is specific and genuine and followed by gratitude, people are far more likely to follow through. These dynamics apply in responder settings as well: A small, clear request is more likely to be accepted than a vague or demanding one.

Applying The Favor Strategy in a public safety context

To resonate, the favor must feel authentic, doable and meaningful. Examples that fit station culture include:

• Asking a peer to help to set up training chairs.
• Requesting input on a shift roster draft.
• Inviting a peer to share a career story.
• Asking a peer to help to inventory gear boxes.
• Suggesting a short walk during downtime to talk through the shift.

Each of these requests is modest in burden but rich in meaning. Each communicates that we value the others’ presence, voice and competence.

Making these types of requests shouldn’t be limited to leadership. When rank-and-file members invite favors, they see stigma and power dynamics soften. A firefighter asking another firefighter carries different weight than a command-level request.

Bear in mind, however, that safeguards matter. Favors must stay small and bounded. They always should be authentic, tied to a real need and optional. It’s critical to express genuine gratitude without strings attached. Finally, we must monitor for emotional overload, to ensure that we don’t shift more weight unintentionally onto someone who already is struggling.

When The Favor Strategy helps and when it doesn’t

The Favor Strategy is most useful in moments of early withdrawal, subtle irritability or disengagement. In these situations, a small favor can be a lifeline that reconnects the individual to a sense of belonging and usefulness. It provides a spark of agency without demanding vulnerability.

That said, this strategy has limits. It isn’t a substitute for crisis intervention. If someone expresses suicidal ideation, talks about death, gives away possessions or shows a severe decline in functioning, we must shift to direct crisis resources. At that point, not only is asking for a favor insufficient, but it might come across as minimizing the seriousness of the situation. Instead, these moments require professional resources, such as the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the United States and Canada, departmental peer support teams, employee assistance programs, chaplains or local behavioral health clinicians. Emergency departments and mobile crisis units also might be required.

The Favor Strategy isn’t a replacement for these tools. It’s one piece of a continuum of support. By building early connections, we might help to prevent escalation to crisis and lower the chances that someone reaches the breaking point.

Practical tips for embedding The Favor Strategy

To embed this strategy in responder culture:

• Model it from leadership and peers. Let both leaders and peers ask for small favors in authentic ways.
• Train personnel on phrasing and timing. Use role play and scenarios to show when and how to ask.
• Share success stories, even anonymously, to show how small asks can open doors.
• Pair with active listening. Once a favor is accepted, follow with, “How are you really doing?”
• Place it within a larger continuum of care that includes peer support, clinicians and wellness resources.
• Avoid boundary creep. Asking for help shouldn’t become an unspoken burden on the very people who you hope to support.

Embedding The Favor Strategy isn’t difficult, but it does require intentionality. It works best when it becomes part of the culture and part of how responders interact with one another daily.

Call to action

In public safety, we live a paradox: We train to save others yet often struggle to save each other in meaningful ways. The Favor Strategy aligns with our culture of service, leverages human connection and helps to break through the isolation that behavioral health struggles bring.

The next time that you notice a coworker pulling back, resist the default, “What do you need?” Instead, ask, “Could you help me with this?” It might be setting up chairs or comparing shift notes, but it communicates value and belonging. Small acts of connection never should be underestimated. In the life of a first responder, they can ripple outward, to strengthen resilience, restore belonging and even save lives.