The activities are a departure from the first anniversary, when the state was filled with interfaith services, vigils, talks, tolling of bells timed to the tragedy, bagpipes and even a balloon launch.
``I think it's a lot more subdued,'' said Greenwich First Selectman Jim Lash. ``The sense is people are remembering privately. It's where people are now - they're healing. Believe me, nobody is forgetting.''
While organizers of the activities view it as a healthy return to normalcy, some relatives of victims worry that the day will gradually lose its meaning.
Mary Fetchet of New Canaan, a leader among the victims' families in advocating for reforms, said she favors a day of volunteerism to mark Sept. 11 and rekindle the outpouring of support in the aftermath of the attacks.
Schools, churches and communities appear to be struggling with how to commemorate the tragedy, said Fetchet, whose son Brad was killed in the attacks. With ongoing threats of terrorism, reflecting on Sept. 11 is difficult for the public, she said.
``I think they feel very vulnerable themselves if they really understand how we're at risk today,'' Fetchet said.
This year's activities include a new memorial in Danbury and a service at the state's memorial, where 151 stones are engraved with the names of victims with ties to Connecticut.
In Norwalk, on the outskirts of New York, the biggest event will be an Oyster Festival. While the three-day annual event will include a private ceremony for the families of the victims and a brief public commemoration, the activities on Sept. 11 include a ``backyard circus,'' a sing-a-long, and a children's parade.
``Certainly in our case we take our cues from the families,'' said Pam Stark, city clerk. ``They preferred a quiet friends and family ceremony.''
Norwalk, which lost 14 people with ties to the city, is not alone. Other towns such as North Haven, Danbury and Bethlehem are proceeding with traditional fairs that fall on a day so firmly rooted in tragedy that couples shun it as wedding day.
``What the government people say is do what you normally do,'' said Bill Collins, an organizer of the Norwalk festival. ``This festival has been going on for 27 years. We're attempting to conduct our lives as we normally do, which is to celebrate the oyster industry and its importance to Norwalk and Fairfield County.''
Greenwich, one of the state's hardest hit towns, held an interfaith service last year. This year, the town is simply encouraging families to attend their own places of worship.
``I think people want a little bit of a quiet setting,'' said the Rev. Michael Moynihan, pastor of St. Michael Roman Catholic Church in Greenwich. ``All of our churches and synagogues will have the doors open this weekend so people have an opportunity to pray.''
Moynihan, whose church will stay open until midnight, still plans to light 11 candles to mark the number of parishioners killed in the attacks.
Stamford, which planted trees at schools to mark the first anniversary, did not plan any citywide events. While the tolling of bells had been coordinated nationally in the past, Mayor Dannel Malloy said he had not heard of such plans this year.
Some see a natural evolution in how Sept. 11 is commemorated, noting that other national tragedies are not commemorated every year on a large scale.
``I can't think of any other events in American history where we've done that for every year,'' said John Orman, a political science professor at Fairfield University.
While the commemorations have grown quieter, the pain is still sharp for the families of the victims. Some relatives have suffered medical problems as a result of their grief, Fetchet said.
``For me everyday is 9-11,'' said Peter Gabriel of Kent. ``My son died. I'm not going to get over it.''
For Monica Gabrielle, her empty home in West Haven is a constant reminder that she lost her husband in the attacks.
``If I let my mind go to that day and what happened, it's like someone sticking a knife in you,'' Gabrielle said. ``Any place you go has a memory.''
Children who were too young to understand what happened to their parents are beginning to ask more questions, said Deirdre Lewin, who runs a support group in Greenwich.
``For them they are beginning to grieve with a new understanding,'' Lewin said. ``They don't understand why bad people banged into a building, knocked it down and killed their daddy.''
Adults are struggling, too, but some are making progress, Lewin said. A few are visiting Ground Zero for the first time, she said.
Some relatives of victims avoid the onslaught of commemorations that have marked past anniversaries. But they also worry that the public will gradually forget.
``I think it's crucial they continue to hold something,'' Lewin said. ``It may not be the band and the bagpipes. But there absolutely needs to be something on Sept. 11, that we haven't forgotten.''
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